Bad jokes

AUChizad · « **Reply #120 on:** September 02, 2014, 12:02:31 PM »

A man walks into a bar and says, "I can have sex with any woman in here."

Bartender asks "Oh really? How's that?"

"I'm a rapist."

Kaos · « **Reply #121 on:** September 02, 2014, 07:54:15 PM »

Quote from: AUChizad on September 02, 2014, 12:02:31 PM

A man walks into a bar and says, "I can have sex with any woman in here."

Bartender asks "Oh really? How's that?"

"I'm a rapist."

Ah sware ya hannerishness, I ain't ne'er beed to dat bar.

GH2001 · « **Reply #122 on:** September 03, 2014, 09:18:34 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on September 02, 2014, 07:54:15 PM

Ah sware ya hannerishness, I ain't ne'er beed to dat bar.

I said, I says well we strong, and you strong...well we strong den

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #123 on:** September 29, 2014, 04:35:30 PM »

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm a chiropractor and I'm just keeping in practice while waiting in this long line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

WiregrassTiger · « **Reply #124 on:** October 02, 2014, 10:52:16 AM »

Bill, Steve, and Christy were marooned on an island after a shipwreck. For the first year the guys and Christy had happy sex. Then Christy began feeling guilty and slutty for what she was doing with two guys and killed herself.

Well Bill and Steve went on for another year or so, then they too began to feel bad about what they were doing, so they buried Christy.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #125 on:** October 02, 2014, 02:55:17 PM »

CCTAU Warning:

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving?

A cop

GH2001 · « **Reply #126 on:** October 02, 2014, 03:30:54 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on October 02, 2014, 02:55:17 PM

CCTAU Warning:

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving?

A cop

And if they get married, the worst possible credit ever.

CCTAU · « **Reply #127 on:** October 02, 2014, 04:42:40 PM »

Damned mixed-raced criminals...

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #128 on:** October 02, 2014, 05:01:11 PM »

What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex?

Honey, I'm home.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #129 on:** October 02, 2014, 05:02:01 PM »

How do you know an Asian broke in your house?

Your homework is done and the cat is gone.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #130 on:** October 02, 2014, 05:02:52 PM »

What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

Usain Bolt can finish a race.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #131 on:** October 02, 2014, 05:05:44 PM »

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. Wing, wing. Halo

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #132 on:** October 02, 2014, 05:06:39 PM »

Why do Jews watch porn backwards?

They love the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #133 on:** October 02, 2014, 05:21:14 PM »

What is a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross Country

GH2001 · « **Reply #134 on:** October 03, 2014, 09:52:53 AM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on October 02, 2014, 05:02:01 PM

How do you know an Asian broke in your house?

Your homework is done and the cat is gone.

And later proof is found that lots of pictures were taken every step of the way.

Pell City Tiger · « **Reply #135 on:** October 03, 2014, 09:18:06 PM »

Why are there no Puerto Rican doctors?

Because you can't write prescriptions with spray paint.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #136 on:** October 07, 2014, 10:20:24 AM »

What can a goose do that duck can't do and a lawyer should do?

Stick his bill up his ass.

War Eagle!!! · « **Reply #137 on:** October 07, 2014, 10:57:40 AM »

I bought some shoes from my drug dealer. I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day.

WiregrassTiger · « **Reply #138 on:** October 07, 2014, 11:47:52 AM »

What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A black and Decker pecker wrecker.

MarkChand · « **Reply #139 on:** October 10, 2014, 11:04:41 AM »

What did the sign on the whorehouse door say?

Beat it, we're closed