The Official 2014 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread

Tiger Wench · « **on:** March 30, 2014, 11:34:01 PM »

BREAKING NEWS:

In a stunning development tonight, on the eve of the 2014 MLB season, the fucktard owner of the alleged professional baseball team in Houston has announced that the Suckasstros will not field a team this year. All player contracts have been terminated, all season tickets have been refunded to WalMart gift cards, and Minute Maid Park will be converted to a holistic therapy center for crippled Mexican hairless chihuahuas. Nolan Ryan has purchased the rights to graze his herd of Angus cattle on Tal's Hill.

Fuck baseball. Fuck Jim Crane. Fuck the Suckasstros. And fuck all y'all with your real teams and your real players and your massive payrolls.

Play ball.

AUJarhead · « **Reply #1 on:** March 30, 2014, 11:39:59 PM »

More wins this year... Cubs or Astros?

chinook · « **Reply #2 on:** March 31, 2014, 12:04:46 AM »

Quote from: AUJarhead on March 30, 2014, 11:39:59 PM

More wins this year... Cubs or Astros?

Cubs.

CCTAU · « **Reply #3 on:** March 31, 2014, 12:24:46 AM »

Quote from: Tiger Wench on March 30, 2014, 11:34:01 PM

BREAKING NEWS:

In a stunning development tonight, on the eve of the 2014 MLB season, the fucktard owner of the alleged professional baseball team in Houston has announced that the Suckasstros will not field a team this year. All player contracts have been terminated, all season tickets have been refunded to WalMart gift cards, and Minute Maid Park will be converted to a holistic therapy center for crippled Mexican hairless chihuahuas. Nolan Ryan has purchased the rights to graze his herd of Angus cattle on Tal's Hill.

Fuck baseball. Fuck Jim Crane. Fuck the Suckasstros. And fuck all y'all with your real teams and your real players and your massive payrolls.

Play ball.

The hurt is strong with this one...

Buzz Killington · « **Reply #4 on:** March 31, 2014, 08:44:50 AM »

Quote from: AUJarhead on March 30, 2014, 11:39:59 PM

More wins this year... Cubs or Astros?

Your words are hurtful, Jon.

Oh...and, Astros.

Buzz Killington · « **Reply #5 on:** March 31, 2014, 04:22:18 PM »

I already hate instant replay in teh major leagues...

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #6 on:** March 31, 2014, 05:02:36 PM »

Braves shut out on 5 hits by the Brewers.

AUTiger1 · « **Reply #7 on:** March 31, 2014, 05:20:03 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on March 31, 2014, 05:02:36 PM

Braves shut out on 5 hits by the Brewers.

Pfffftttttt....Who cares it's one game. Calling 117 and a series win this year for the Bravos!

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #8 on:** March 31, 2014, 05:45:23 PM »

Quote from: AUTiger1 on March 31, 2014, 05:20:03 PM

Pfffftttttt....Who cares it's one game. Calling 117 and a series win this year for the Bravos!

It's the Orioles....and everybody else.

Seriously, the Braves SHOULD have a damn stout line up. But I'm afraid we're just going to have to sit and suffer through BJ Upton and Dan Uggla looking overmatched again this year. But, the big thing is pitching. Sweet Jeebush it's been 20+ years since the Braves have had a staff this pathetic. Julio Teheran is your "ace".

Tiger Wench · « **Reply #9 on:** March 31, 2014, 06:25:11 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on March 31, 2014, 05:45:23 PM

It's the Orioles....and everybody else.

Seriously, the Braves SHOULD have a damn stout line up. But I'm afraid we're just going to have to sit and suffer through BJ Upton and Dan Uggla looking overmatched again this year. But, the big thing is pitching. Sweet Jeebush it's been 20+ years since the Braves have had a staff this pathetic. Julio Teheran is your "ace".

Fuck you. We got Chad Qualls back. CHAD QUALLS.

I win the #FACEPALM.

AUJarhead · « **Reply #10 on:** March 31, 2014, 08:47:09 PM »

Quote from: Tiger Wench on March 31, 2014, 06:25:11 PM

Fuck you. We got Chad Qualls back. CHAD QUALLS.

I win the #FACEPALM.

Hey, the owner is doing something right. You've followed them more in 14 than you did in 13.

Tiger Wench · « **Reply #11 on:** March 31, 2014, 08:50:02 PM »

Quote from: AUJarhead on March 31, 2014, 08:47:09 PM

Hey, the owner is doing something right. You've followed them more in 14 than you did in 13.

Corndog told me last night. I don't even watch the sports right now.

AUJarhead · « **Reply #12 on:** April 01, 2014, 10:54:31 AM »

Quote from: Tiger Wench on March 31, 2014, 08:50:02 PM

Corndog told me last night. I don't even watch the sports right now.

I wouldn't call Houston Astros baseball "sports" either.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #13 on:** April 01, 2014, 11:26:28 AM »

Quote from: AUJarhead on April 01, 2014, 10:54:31 AM

I wouldn't call Houston Astros baseball "sports" either.

At first I was like, "That didn't just happen." Then I looked again and I was all like, "Yep, that just happened."

AUJarhead · « **Reply #14 on:** April 01, 2014, 12:03:58 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on April 01, 2014, 11:26:28 AM

At first I was like, "That didn't just happen." Then I looked again and I was all like, "Yep, that just happened."

I only say that because she's unable to slap me from several states away.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #15 on:** April 01, 2014, 12:45:48 PM »

Quote from: AUJarhead on April 01, 2014, 12:03:58 PM

I only say that because she's unable to slap me from several states away.

You really believe that?

AUJarhead · « **Reply #16 on:** April 01, 2014, 01:21:43 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on April 01, 2014, 12:45:48 PM

You really believe that?

No, I don't. Truth be told, she scares the shit out of me.

Tiger Wench · « **Reply #17 on:** April 01, 2014, 03:41:04 PM »

Quote from: AUJarhead on April 01, 2014, 01:21:43 PM

No, I don't. Truth be told, she scares the shit out of me.

Sleep well tonight.

Tiger Wench · « **Reply #18 on:** April 02, 2014, 01:12:09 AM »

And the Suckasstros beat teh Yank-keys on home Opening Day. Derailed the Derek Jeter Farewell Tour.

And that ain't even a damn April Fool's Day joke.

But there you have it. We've peaked. Now comes the inevitable slide.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #19 on:** April 03, 2014, 10:02:06 AM »

Shows how much I know. I said this Braves line up could be awesome but they have zero pitching. They did almost no hitting but the pitching gave up a total of 4 runs in 3 games.