Capstone Report writes some hilarious bullshoot like this:
The photoshop seems totally legit, so I guess we should be scared.
My turn:
"Nick Saban bound for Hollywood?"
What seemed like just a rumor this summer now appears very close to fruition. Alabama head coach Nick Saban may almost certainly be destined to try to put his handprints in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater.
Multiple sources in Tinseltown report that Alabama head coach Nick Saban may be on the next jet to L.A. where he will audition for a plum role in an as-yet untitled remake of a classic 1970s television series.
It was during his disastrous stint in the NFL that Saban caught the acting bug. His tenure with the Miami Dolphins was so atrociously bad -- attributed now to the fact that his NFL team couldn't simply go out and purchase the best players in the country, there were rules that had to be followed -- that Saban began actively looking for a second career should the Dolphin job implode and render him as unhireable as Lane Kiffin.
During this search, Saban met a casting director in South Beach who thought he'd be perfect for a role in a soon to be released Johnny Depp movie. Saban took the uncredited part to get his feet wet and fell in love with the process according to famed gossip columnist Perez Hilton.
"The man was a natural," Perez said. "It was a role tailor made for him."
Saban later tested his acting chops portraying himself in The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock. While his performance was universally panned as stiff, cardboard, phony, deceitful, plastic and mealy mouthed. Saban won critics over by pointing out that he was, after all, playing himself and he actually is stiff, cardboard, phony, deceitful, plastic and mealy mouthed in real life. Unfortunately the realization of the brilliance of that spot-on impersonation came too late for Oscar voters to change their ballots and he was denied the much-deserved Academy Award.
Now with his Alabama football program in a clear state of decline and given that the mountain of evidence of blatant NCAA violations on his watch will come home to roost the moment his bestest buddy Mark Emmert is dethroned at the NCAA, rumors are rampant that Saban is primed to make a move from the gridiron to the big screen.
The question is, would he? Does a Bama fan lust after his sister? Do fat girls wear houndstooth? You betcha.
Adding to the Hollywood lure is the fact that now is the time that Saban can step into a role that seems as if it was written just for him.
New Line Cinema last month bought the rights to bring a cherished television staple of the 1970s to the screen. David O. Russell (American Hustle) has signed on as screen writer and Spike Jonez will direct. The cast already includes an array of Hollywood legends including Betty White, Leah Remini, Julia Roberts, Mila Kunis, Jason Bateman, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Kathy Bates, Amber Heard, Kristin Bell, Sam Waterston, Adam West, Burt Ward, Sam Elliot, Kathleen Turner, Tony Shaloub, Olivia D'Abo, Dawn Wells and Uma Thurman.
Whispers that Sean Connery could be lured out of retirement to take the main lead in the film appear to be just that -- whispers. Sources say lead role is reportedly down to three possibilities: Denzel Washington, Allan Rickman and Benedict Cumberbatch. Jack Nicholson, Michael Cane and Antonio Banderas have all been attached to the project at various times and remain options.
The role of the second lead is where Saban so remarkably fits the bill. In the role of Tattoo Saban has a real opportunity to steal the screen from his better known counterpart no matter who takes the role of Mr. Rourke.
While Saban, at 5'1" is not a true midget as was the role's originator, Hervé Villechaize, Hollywood has a long history of looking kindly on actors who stretch the envelope to make the role their own.
Whether you were aware of this or not, Sean Penn is not actually mentally retarded. He's borderline, yes, but he stretched those boundaries in I Am Sam to critical acclaim.
As the stars align for a Saban/Fantasy Island remake merger, it will be interesting to see if the little man can close the deal and write his name in concrete.
Here's Saban (on right) in his uncredited 2005 performance with Johnny Depp in Wonka.
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