U Mad, Bro?

[AUChizad]

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/85198/hotsportstakes-the-shame-of-auburn-football

#HotSportsTakes: The Shame of Auburn Football
By Andrew Sharp on December 10, 2013 1:15 PM ET
Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Every now and then, we will attempt to write the worst sports column on earth. Today: Let's talk about the BCS National Championship and the value of integrity.

PASADENA, CALIFORNIA — There's practically nothing in the realm of sports that stirs nostalgia in us quite like the Tournament of Roses every year. It's the gold standard. The mountaintop. The granddaddy of them all!

But not this year.

This year, your granddady won't watch.

Your granddaddy drinks, and grunts, and doesn't say a word.

Your granddaddy knows better than to throw his hat in the air for this Auburn team. Granddaddy knows what first-class football looks like. And this Auburn team ain't it.

Don't get me wrong, the past few weeks have been fun. Two weeks ago for the Iron Bowl, we had it all. A packed stadium, a wild finish, front-page headlines all over the world the next day. Hoo boy! The college football business was booming.

But ... what is college football even selling anymore?

Education? Integrity? I don't buy it. Not from Auburn.

The Auburn team I know is the one that sold us the most disgraceful Heisman Trophy winner we've seen in 70 years. Was Cam Newton the MVP of college football that year? Sure, maybe. But not a Heisman Man. As the trophy's mission statement reads: "The Heisman Memorial Trophy annually recognizes the outstanding college football player whose performance best exhibits the pursuit of excellence with integrity."

That last part is where Cam never measured up. Integrity.

Sometimes I think that the Heisman has never been the same since Cam Newton won it. Since a nation of sportswriters decided that, you know what? Integrity's not so important anymore. Highlights are more impressive than humility now.

That's the legacy of Cam Newton in college football.

Then you had their flash-in-the-pan coach, Ron Chizik. The man who came out of nowhere, bought himself a superstar — allegedly — and then watched the wins pile up.

Then, when his Golden Goose flew the coop to the NFL, big Ron laid an egg.

The team floundered on the field, and off the field some Auburn football stars were arrested on charges of armed robbery. I know college kids are entitled to a little fun, but armed robbery? It would be distressing if weren't so predictable after the way their Heisman winner conducted himself.

When you ignore your moral compass, you get lost.

This is where we've been with this program in recent years. But was 2013 supposed to be any different? The new hotshot Auburn coach, their new Golden Goose, was on staff a few years ago with Cam Newton. He looked the other way when fans called his quarterback "Scam" Newton, because why should he care? Gus Malzahn was just a football coach, and he got paid regardless. War Eagle? More like Whore Eagle.

But the most distressing point of all is the lessons Auburn is teaching on the field. If you care about the game of football, you should be concerned. Did you see the SEC title game?

I saw a glorified Arena League game.

Auburn scored 59 points, and its new star, Tre Mason, ran 46 times for 306 yards and four touchdowns, all SEC championship game records. But games like that and teams like Auburn are why it's sometimes difficult to take college football seriously.

Those were Gus Gimmicks that won on Saturday, not real football. Just like the Hail Mary in the Georgia game, or the missed–field goal return against Alabama. This team doesn't line up and hit you in the mouth. Forget the trenches! Auburn would rather trick their way to the top. And it works. It's all perfectly legal.

But it comes back to that pesky old word that has haunted Auburn since Cam.

Integrity.

The gimmicks may work, but they cheat the integrity of the sport.

They cheat all of us who used to look to the gridiron every Saturday to see examples of hard work paving the way to pay dirt, reminding us all of the clearest path to be success in this country. Work harder and hit someone in the mouth.

Nobody's saying Auburn's victories count for less, but at a time when Chump Kelly is somehow the hottest coach in the NFL and old workhorses like Mike Shanahan are being sent to the glue factory, you have to wonder where we're going. Will football still teach the right lessons?

This is what I had on my mind this past Sunday afternoon as I walked around the Rose Bowl, bending down to smell the grass.

As much as I remember the fantastic finish in the Iron Bowl, I'll remember the next day even better. That's when I realized the wrong team won the football game that night in Alabama.

If Alabama wins that game, we get a title game for the ages and one more go-round with one of college football's greatest generals. Florida State wouldn't stand a chance. Give Nick Saban a chessboard and a month to prepare, and he'll make Bobby Fisher look like Fisher-Price.

If Alabama wins that game, we get one of the best stories in years. A kid who came in and worked his tail off for his entire college career, then went out and won the biggest prize there is to win. Instead of voting for Jameis Winston and all his baggage, we'd have a winner we could all agree on. An example we could all point to.

AJ had his Heisman moment that day, and the stars were aligned, but no. Auburn got lucky and the better team got beat.

Sorry, AJ.

You'll always be a Heisman Man to me.

The simple fact is that the better team lost that day. Sometimes we get happy endings in life, but sometimes we're left with the cold alternative of dreams unfulfilled.

Here we are. The best team in college football won't play for the national championship. And today, I just wanted to put away the pom poms for a minute and tell the truth. When tricks win out over talent, the game loses something.

Auburn may not be crooks this time, who can say. But this is a crock.

This isn't football. Remember that when it's time to tune in to the BCS title game in a few weeks. Remember your grandaddy, and everything we lose when we forfeit our integrity.

It's a damn shame.

And a title game without the best team in America?

We call that a sham, my friends.

[Saniflush]

[djsimp]

Wow, this guy must be sitting in a tub of Neosporin because he is butthurt all the way up to the backside of his mouth.

Who is Ron Chizik?

[Snaggletiger]

Holy shit.  Is he in 6th grade?

[AUChizad]

Due to the intro, I have to assume this is satire?

[War Eagle!!!]

Every now and then, we will attempt to write the worst sports column on earth. Today: Let's talk about the BCS National Championship and the value of integrity.

Satire? I think so...

[WiregrassTiger]

I dunno if it's satire or not but it's some funny stuff either way. I supposed that it is from the opening sentence.
This: "The gimmicks may work, but they cheat the integrity of the sport.

They cheat all of us who used to look to the gridiron every Saturday to see examples of hard work paving the way to pay dirt, reminding us all of the clearest path to be success in this country. Work harder and hit someone in the mouth." is the funniest part to me.

Surely he jest. Enjoyable regardless.

[AUChizad]

The reason it didn't work is because worse shit has been written genuinely and completely seriously.

[Saniflush]

The reason it didn't work is because worse shit has been written genuinely and completely seriously.

Exactly!

[oldautiger]

Wow, this guy must be sitting in a tub of Neosporin because he is butthurt all the way up to the backside of his mouth.

Who is Ron Chizik?

Was wondering the same thing....what does Bobby Fisher have to do with Fla St, I thought he played chess.
Obviously there was NO research done in this drivel, better works of literature have been composed in mental institutions than this.
First off I thought this was some shit from hardless updick, but too many words are spelled correctly.
Calling this fool and idiot, douche bag or dumbass would be an insult to idiots, douche bags and dumbasses.
Hey butt hurt, do us all a favor and stay the fuck away from the BCSNCG, go to the fucking bullshit bowl and feel free to jump in.......

[wesfau2]

Was wondering the same thing....what does Bobby Fisher have to do with Fla St, I thought he played chess.
Obviously there was NO research done in this drivel, better works of literature have been composed in mental institutions than this.
First off I thought this was some shit from hardless updick, but too many words are spelled correctly.
Calling this fool and idiot, douche bag or dumbass would be an insult to idiots, douche bags and dumbasses.
Hey butt hurt, do us all a favor and stay the fuck away from the BCSNCG, go to the fucking bullshit bowl and feel free to jump in.......

Fuck's sake.

[GH2001]

Wow, this guy must be sitting in a tub of Neosporin because he is butthurt all the way up to the backside of his mouth.

Who is Ron Chizik?

Oh that's Mrs Chiziks boy.

[chinook]

Holy shit.  Is he in 6th grade?

How Bad are Andrew Sharp’s #HotSportsTakes?
November 4, 2013

By Ty Aderhold Harvard Sports Analysis Collective

Last year, HSAC looked at the readability of various sports writers using the Flesch-Kincaid formula, which outputs a value that represents the grade level of the writing. While the formula is only a very rough measure of readability, it produced some fun and interesting results. This summer, Grantland’s Andrew Sharp introduced the world to #HotSportsTakes, a series in which the author embarks on the noble pursuit “to write the worst sports column on earth.” After thoroughly enjoying the absurdity that is each #HotSportsTake, I decided it was time to measure what level of discourse we’re dealing with when we read Sharp.

For a refresher on how the Flesch-Kincaid test works, here’s the formula, from Wikipedia:

After running all the #HotSportsTakes through this test, I found that the average grade score of the 16 articles in the series came out to be a 5.0, which was just 0.2 lower than Rick Reilly scored in our previous study. As such, I would say the closeness of these two scores is more a commentary on Reilly’s writing style than a failure of Sharp to write an incredibly bad sports column.

......Fluff in the Middle

Taking a closer look at the scores for individual #HotSportsTakes also provides some fun insights. Sharp’s lowest scoring column was “#HotSportsTakes: The Dodgers Are a Disgrace,” which earned just a 4.0 grade score. On the other end of the spectrum lies “#HotSportsTakes: Alex Rodriguez Turned the American Dream Into a Nightmare” with a surprisingly high score of 6.2. A closer look at the column however, reveals that Sharp received some “grade inflation” from the one-and-only Aaron Sorkin. Sharp used two quotes from Will McAvoy, the lead character in Sorkin’s latest television show The Newsroom, and they both happen to be classic examples of the extended monologues Sorkin is known for. By simply removing these two quotes, the Flesch-Kinkade score drops down to a 5.7, much more the norm for a #HotSportsTake. One other thing of note is that the third post in the series was guest written by Holly Anderson, but she was also able to channel her inner bad sports writer to a grade score of 5.7 in her article on Sammy Watkins.

I also decided to compare the average grade level of a #HotSportsTake column to that of Sharp’s other columns and to other columns on Grantland in order to show the drop off in readability that #HotSportsTakes achieves.

Sharp normally writes at a level of 7.5 Flesch-Kincaid grade level, so his #HotSportsTakes column achieves a drop of 2.5 grade levels. Zach Lowe achieved the highest score of the Grantland writers I looked at with a 9.5, meaning a reader clicking on a #HotSportsTake after reading a Lowe article would experience a decrease in readability of 4.5 grade levels.

While the Flesch-Kincaid scale is a flawed formula for readability, Sharp’s consistent low scores, coupled with the absurdity of some of his opinions, show that #HotSportsTakes is a consistently terrible sports column. As for us here as HSAC, we will continue to enjoy Mr. Sharp’s effort and remind him to keep his words short and his sentences choppy.

harvey birdman's sausage link

[Snaggletiger]

Okay, I admit to glossing over the first couple of paragraphs and muttering an audible FU to more Auburn hate to myself and then posting.  Missed it totally. 

[WiregrassTiger]

Okay, I admit to glossing over the first couple of paragraphs and muttering an audible FU to more Auburn hate to myself and then posting.  Missed it totally.

Missing satire is a sign of age or Std's but had the byline read Lou Holtz, I would have looked like a complete dumbass too.

[Buzz Killington]

That forward pass shit just won't work in my granddaddy's foosball.

[Tiger Wench]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!  Have had TWO turds post this on their FB pages as "SEE!  Awbrun suxs!"

I have busted them both.  One took it down... 

[dallaswareagle]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!  Have had TWO turds post this on their FB pages as "SEE!  Awbrun suxs!"

I have busted them both.  One took it down... 

Why would anyone be friends (on bookface) with turds?

[Snaggletiger]

Why would anyone be friends (on bookface) with turds?

She wanted a tint of brown on her wallpaper

[Tiger Wench]

Why would anyone be friends (on bookface) with turds?

Friends since jr high.  They are there to remind me that there but for the grace of God go I.