HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
At VANDERBILT: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at
Harvard.
At GEORGIA: It takes three, one to change the bulb and twoto stabilize the rolling beer cooler the bulb changer is using for a ladder.
At FLORIDA: It takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.
At ALABAMA: It takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.
At OLE MISS: It takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU: It takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours.
At KENTUCKY : It takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE: It takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lamp shade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama.
At MISSISSIPPI STATE: It takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, 'GO TO HELL, OLE MISS'.
At AUBURN: It takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than Bama and Georgia, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA: It takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent
football team.
At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
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The SEC as the Middle East:
ALABAMA: Saudi Arabia. Once a proud kingdom, torn up by fighting and surrounded by Iran and Iraq (see below), with someone in Al-Qaeda hell bent on bringing them down.
LSU: Iran. Current superpower in the region but it will all come crashing down because they have a highly functioning retard as a leader.
TENNESSEE: Iraq. Got a bunch of history but the country as a whole is going in the tank and they will kill themselves off before it is all over.
FLORIDA: Syria. Evil punks who will stoop to whatever level they need to win. No real history to speak of but thinks they are the cradle of civilization .
GEORGIA: Kuwait. Tons of riches and unrealized potential, but still vulnerable to Iraq.
AUBURN: Al Qaeda. No country, just a movement of disgruntled fanatics who live to blow up those who are more fortunate. No other goal in life than to bring down the House of Saudi Arabia.Terrorizing the Arabians for 6 years is the crowning achievement in their history. Signing day was a major setback to their movement. They will be looking for a new leader soon.
ARKANSAS: Palestinian territories. No one really cares or worries about them unless they can be of some use (i.e. winning a battle once in a while against Iran that causes a bit of shake up in rankings)
MISSISSIPPI STATE: Qatar. Where is Qatar, anyway?
OLE MISS: Afghanistan. Not much going for it, but hot women.
VANDERBILT: Israel. Just leave them alone for God's sake. What did they ever do to you?
KENTUCKY: Morocco. Not really part of the Middle East. Has other things to do than fight (or play football).
SOUTH CAROLINA: Libya. Has a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness. Will rattle his sword but knows he does not have a whole heck of a lot to back it up with.
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