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The Onion Chimes In

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AUChizad

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The Onion Chimes In
« on: December 03, 2013, 01:46:31 PM »
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nobody-at-university-of-alabama-caught-saturdays-g,34727/
Quote
Nobody At University Of Alabama Caught Saturday’s Game
Dec 3, 2013

TUSCALOOSA, AL—Vaguely claiming they had “some stuff to do on Saturday,” every single person at the University of Alabama reportedly missed this past weekend’s stunning Iron Bowl loss to Auburn, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Oh, yeah, I was really busy that afternoon, so I wasn’t able to catch the game,” said 21-year-old junior Craig Hopkins, who, along with every other Crimson Tide student, professor, administrator, and alumnus, was reportedly “out at this place” while the game was on and couldn’t get to a television. “I wish I could have watched it, but it’s not that big of a deal anyway. You know, it’s actually a much bigger game for Auburn than it is for us. But I’ll, uh, definitely check out the highlights later when I’m not so swamped.” The entire population of Tuscaloosa later repeatedly stressed to reporters that they still have the game on DVR and don’t want to talk about what happened before they watch it.
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The Prowler

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2013, 03:36:40 PM »
Yeah, bullshit.
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

"Alabama's Special Teams unit is made up of Special Ed students." - Daniel Tosh

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Townhallsavoy

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2013, 04:05:30 PM »
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The Guy That Knows Nothing of Hyperbole

oldautiger

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2013, 04:08:22 PM »
Looks like the inbred updykes are still in denial...........never happened..........no big deal.............had to do more important stuff.
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"Work hard, rock hard, eat hard, sleep hard, grow big, wear glasses of you need 'em." - Webb Wilder

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RWS

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2013, 04:27:46 PM »
This thread is awesome.
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"You're too stupid to realize that I'm one of the levelheaded Auburn fans around here" - The Prowler

wesfau2

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2013, 04:32:38 PM »
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. 

Really, guys?

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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

AU_Tiger_2000

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2013, 04:34:12 PM »
Quote from: wesfau2 on December 03, 2013, 04:32:38 PM
Jesus Tittyfudgeing Christ. 

Really, guys?

What?  The Onion has been long known as a legitimate source of breaking news.
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You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him: "That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.

AUChizad

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2013, 04:35:24 PM »
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WiregrassTiger

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2013, 04:37:50 PM »
This sounds a little fishy. But, this is a credible outlet with solid reporting.
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Buzz Killington

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2013, 05:06:53 PM »
Quote from: wesfau2 on December 03, 2013, 04:32:38 PM
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. 

Really, guys?

Wikipedia agrees
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

GH2001

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2013, 07:09:30 PM »
Quote from: wesfau2 on December 03, 2013, 04:32:38 PM
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. 

Really, guys?

I concur
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WDE

chinook

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #11 on: December 04, 2013, 01:19:01 AM »
Quote from: wesfau2 on December 03, 2013, 04:32:38 PM
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ. 

Really, guys?

I've always thought of Jesus Christ as an ass man. 
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Buzz Killington

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #12 on: December 04, 2013, 09:33:10 AM »
Quote from: chinook on December 04, 2013, 01:19:01 AM
I've always thought of Jesus Christ as an ass man.
I like to picture Jesus as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

dallaswareagle

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #13 on: December 04, 2013, 10:12:21 AM »
Quote from: Buzz Killington on December 04, 2013, 09:33:10 AM
I like to picture Jesus as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.


He grabs other guys wifes boobs?
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A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.'

Snaggletiger

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Re: The Onion Chimes In
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2013, 10:30:15 AM »
You guys are going to hell
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."
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  1. Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
  2. Pat Dye Field
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  4. The Onion Chimes In