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Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed

Saniflush

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Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« on: December 03, 2013, 10:18:46 AM »
http://sports.yahoo.com/news/ncaaf--forde-yard-dash-auburn-man-not-impressed-iron-bowl-miracle-heisman-085340853.html


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THE MALE MCKAYLA MARONEY

If you read The Dash's Saturday column on the extraordinary events in the Iron Bowl, you probably looked at the picture at the top of the story. And if you looked closely at the picture, you probably smiled at the reaction of the guy in orange, Auburn recruiting operations chief Brett Whiteside, hands on head and mouth agape. And then you probably wondered what was up with the unnaturally unmoved guy in gray as the most amazing play in college football history unfolded right in front of him.

Dana Marquez (1), Auburn's equipment manager and the stoic in gray, can explain.

"I broke my foot at Texas A&M celebrating," he said. "So this time I wasn't going to do that."

That was Oct. 19, when Marquez reacted to a game-clinching sack of Johnny Manziel by defensive end Dee Ford. It was a very big play in the Tigers' drama-laden, 11-1 season. But it had painful consequences for a guy who has to do a lot of moving around on gameday. Marquez was in a walking boot until a week ago.

So this time, the eighth-year equipment manager folded his arms over his chest – unwittingly copying American gymnast McKayla Maroney's famous "Not Impressed" pose from the 2012 Olympics – and squeezed them together as instant hero Chris Davis (2) sped past him. It was an almost Vulcan display of emotion control, causing The Dash to wonder what other historic moments Marquez could have taken in and said, "Meh."

Feb. 22, 1980: Underdog U.S. team shocks mighty Soviet Union in Olympic hockey to win a game remembered as the "Miracle on Ice." Marquez: "Just a semifinal. Who's going to collect all the sticks and gloves they're throwing around the ice?"

July 20, 1969: Man walks on moon. Marquez: "Bunch of rocks and dust. Nothing to see here."

Aug. 14, 1945: Japan surrenders to end World War II, and sailors are kissing dames in Times Square. Marquez: "Enough of the PDA. Back to work, everyone."

But in addition to adhering to his internal call for calm, Marquez also adhered to the eternal call of duty. When every game is over – no matter how dramatic – the equipment team gets very busy. That is especially true in a field-storming situation, when equipment can be pilfered amid the mayhem.

"We had to get all our helmets," Marquez said. "We had to get our headsets. We still had a job to do."

The last play of the game was not Marquez's only unexpected star turn Saturday. He also caught the eye of TV viewers by operating a sewing machine on the Jordan-Hare Stadium sidelines, repairing the torn jersey of linebacker LaDarius Owens during the game. (Marquez noted, with satisfaction, that Owens threw one of the key blocks for Davis on his 109-yard field goal return.)

The sight of an old-school sewing machine in use during a football game became quite the viral talking point, to the extent that the contraption quickly ended up with a Twitter account (@ausewingmachine). Marquez said the team travels to every game with its domestic implement, and that he's used it in about three games this year.

"It's good to have it here," he said. "I sew pretty much every game, usually by hand."

Because of the double-sided tape used to stick jerseys to shoulder pads (making it harder to be held or tackled), sewing becomes a more efficient option than switching to a backup jersey.

Auburn has one other interesting sideline apparatus: its own Port-A-Potty.

"I haven't seen anyone else with that," Marquez said, somewhat proudly.

Solid idea. It's a long way to the locker room, and no managers want to deal with the towels some players use when they have to go on the sideline. But The Dash wouldn't want to be in charge of transporting it to road games.
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

CCTAU

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2013, 10:24:57 AM »
No mention made as to why you would have to be sewing a jersey up for a DE. Maybe a bit of holding going on?
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Saniflush

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #2 on: December 03, 2013, 10:26:04 AM »
No mention made as to why you would have to be sewing a jersey up for a DE. Maybe a bit of holding going on?

 :thumsup:
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

bottomfeeder

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2013, 12:01:09 PM »
I don't care how he expressed his emotions, just as long as he got the ball Chris carried into the end zone with one tick left on the clock. #ironbowl2013
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Godfather

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #4 on: December 03, 2013, 12:12:04 PM »




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Gus is gone, hooray!
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Godfather

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2013, 12:13:18 PM »


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djsimp

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2013, 12:20:20 PM »
GF is feelin it today. Good ones.
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Godfather

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2013, 12:27:59 PM »
GF is feelin it today. Good ones.
Wish I could take credit...those are from Forde's article.
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Gus is gone, hooray!
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bottomfeeder

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2013, 04:25:05 PM »
At least he did his job.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-12-03/auburn-recovers-alabama-game-winning-football-valued-at-100-000.html

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Davis returned a missed field-goal attempt 109 yards for a touchdown, lifting Auburn past rival Alabama, upending the two-time defending national champions’ chances of a third consecutive title while keeping their own hopes alive. Auburn entered the game an 11-point underdog and ranked fourth in the country. Davis dropped the ball after crossing the goal line, triggering a celebration that included fans storming the field at Auburn’s 87,451-seat Jordan-Hare Stadium.

Alabama Associate Athletic Director Jeff Purinton in a telephone interview said it’s unlikely that anyone at the university would try to claim the ball.

“I don’t think they would try to get the ball back,” he said.

College football teams provide their own balls when their team is on offense or attempting a field goal. Because the Crimson Tide was kicking, the ball Davis ran back was provided by Alabama.

Marquez said the ball was retrieved by a ball boy amid the celebration. He said Auburn, unlike Alabama, marks its footballs so a particular ball can later be identified.

“You never know the historic value,” he said. The football, made by Nike Inc. (NKE), doesn’t have the Alabama logo on it, he said. Auburn footballs are affixed with the school’s logo, he said.
$100,000 Value

Brandon Steiner, founder of Steiner Sports Marketing, in a telephone interview said the ball could be worth $100,000 if the Tigers win the national title. Auburn is third in the Bowl Championship Series rankings behind Florida State and Ohio State.

The Tigers face No. 5 Missouri in the Southeastern Conference title game on Dec. 7 in Atlanta. They would probably need a loss from either of the top two teams to reach the championship game.

Steiner said the ball would be worth about $50,000 right now.

“It’s one of the great balls from one of the great games,” he said.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2013, 04:42:15 PM »
I know about balls
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

noxin

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Re: Equipment manager and seamstress not impressed
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2013, 04:52:03 PM »
I know about balls

Snaggs: I know about balls
Billy Madison: No, you don't.
Snaggs: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. 
Billy Madison: No, he doesn't.
Snaggs: No, no, no he doesn't. But you could imagine what it'd be like if he did, right...?
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