The Douchebag Factor

[Kaos]

I am an observer of humanity.  I like watching people and figuring out their motives, patterns of thought and behavior, reasoning and decision-making.  I often find myself wondering if people had mirrors in their homes before they left, otherwise why would they be wearing what they're wearing?

Lately, though I find myself more and more puzzled by the Douchebag Factor.

Show me an assclown with a sideways flat brim, baggy pants, wife beater t-shirt, cigarette dangling from lip (usually making one eye squint and water), tattoos and a mouth foaming with profanity....

Show me a guido with $80 of hair product and a too-tight Affliction shirt and wrist jewelry.

95% of the time I can point to one of two distinct types clinging to this going-nowhere sack of excrement. 

1) 25% will be strolling around with a fat girl (usually with glasses) wearing wildly-stretched and often inappropriate clothes or a ballooning oversized tshirt. 

2) The other 75% are rolling with a super smoking hot girl and typically treating her like she's lucky to be in his presence. 

I don't get it.  The fat ones with self-esteem issues I understand.  I don't understand the sheer quantity of amazing-looking girls who shackle themselves to these barrel-scraping turds. 

[WiregrassTiger]

I'm smoking hot AND have self-esteem issues. I know. Weird, right?

[AU_Tiger_2000]

I am an observer of humanity.  I like watching people and figuring out their motives, patterns of thought and behavior, reasoning and decision-making.  I often find myself wondering if people had mirrors in their homes before they left, otherwise why would they be wearing what they're wearing?

Lately, though I find myself more and more puzzled by the Douchebag Factor.

Show me an assclown with a sideways flat brim, baggy pants, wife beater t-shirt, cigarette dangling from lip (usually making one eye squint and water), tattoos and a mouth foaming with profanity....

Show me a guido with $80 of hair product and a too-tight Affliction shirt and wrist jewelry.

95% of the time I can point to one of two distinct types clinging to this going-nowhere sack of excrement. 

1) 25% will be strolling around with a fat girl (usually with glasses) wearing wildly-stretched and often inappropriate clothes or a ballooning oversized tshirt. 

2) The other 75% are rolling with a super smoking hot girl and typically treating her like she's lucky to be in his presence. 

I don't get it.  The fat ones with self-esteem issues I understand.  I don't understand the sheer quantity of amazing-looking girls who shackle themselves to these barrel-scraping turds.

Go look at the price tags on those flat brimmed hats and skin tight T-shirts.  It takes a lot of money to look like a douche and that attracts some of the hotties.

[Snaggletiger]

He needs some cool tunes
 Not just any will suffice.
 But they didn't have Ice Cube
 So he bought Vanilla Ice.
 Now cruising in his Pinto, he sees homies as he pass.
 But if he looks twice
 They're gonna kick his lily ass.

[GH2001]

Show me a guido with $80 of hair product and a too-tight Affliction shirt and wrist jewelry.

Hey I know that guy. How is he? Did you tell him you knew me?

Last I saw he was disposing of his used needles under the boardwalk in jersey.

[Snaggletiger]

J-Wow says Fock You.

[Kaos]

I asked a girl last night who was about 20 or so what she saw in the guy she was hanging with.  She was well-dressed, stunning to look at, amazing build. 

He was an absolute clown. Affliction t-shirt with sparkly fleur di lis, hair gelled up like a drunk Guy Fieri, baggy dark denims, pencil-line beard thing. And he was absolutely abusive to everyone around. Rude, profane, entitled.  She was all hugged up to him even when his comments to her were crude and along the lines of "shut up, bitch."  The ruder he was the more she seemed to get aroused. When he wasn't verbally berating her, his hands were all over her. 

So he leaves with a couple of his equally douchey friends to drink beer behind the bushes.  I was masked and never going to see her again so I asked... "what do you see in that guy..."

Her answer?  "He's got swag." 

[Snaggletiger]

We've got SWAG.  But he never posts.

I hear he's got a hot wife, though.

[GH2001]

We've got SWAG.  But he never posts.

I hear he's got a hot wife, though.

And throws his baby like a football.

[WiregrassTiger]

I roll with a lot of swag but I don't mind hanging with the nerds and the gays some. Obviously, I'm here, right? But, anyway, just because I roll with swag, don't judge me. I like to show my underwear. Big deal. I have a lot of edication, great family and rims that spin. Get over it.

[AWK]

#yoloswaggins