Why I could not live in Atlanta

[Kaos]

Been here since Sunday.  I've seen:

> Woman riding a fat people scooter with a day's old baby attached to her open tit.  She looked to be in her 60s.  Asked me for $20. 

> Hobo laying on the sidewalk who had puked in the gutter and street.  Squirrel was sitting in the middle of the vomit pool snacking.  As I walked by, the squirrel glared at me like "you are NOT getting any of this vomit."  I wondered if perhaps the squirrel was getting drunk from the remnants.  Or perhaps tweaked if there was meth in there.. 

> Woman with THREE gut rolls, each bigger than her breast swell.  She was wearing a bikini that might have fit a ten-year old girl.  Mats of vulgar hair exploding out from the front.  Wads and wads of cottage cheese pulsing through her skin bags.  There were several in her party all approaching her relative hippo-ness.  Some people should simply NOT wear bikinis.

> Muslim family at the pool.  Women (two wives apparently) wearing Muslim swim gear.  Full scuba suit including head piece and booties.  Black long shirt covering that down to mid calf.  Some black thing that looked like GI Joe covering mouth.   Daddy muslim though?  Neon green speedo.  He looked like a bear wearing Robin's underwear. 

> Every road in this town is closed or under construction.  My GPS finally said "screw you, buddy.  Find it yourself" after screaming TURN, TURN,  MAKE A U-TURN, STOP, GO THE OTHER WAY for half an hour.  And at the same time cops and construction workers were screaming at me to go the opposite way of where I NEEDED to go.   If I had to live and drive in this madness every day I would be a serial killer.

> Dude in a parking garage said "we are full unless you have $40."   The sign said hourly or something like $12 a day.   He said they were "busy" and only accepted cars who were willing to pay a higher amount.  I negotiated him down to $20, but he said I only had an hour.  After that what happened to my car was...... and he shrugged.  Bear in mind that I'd been driving around for more than half an hour looking at closed streets and no parking places within ten blocks of where I needed to be.  When I start killing he's on the list.   

> For all the talk of Southern hospitality, this is the RUDEST town I've ever seen. 

[WiregrassTiger]

You can thank Sherman, I guess. Ever rode the Marta after 10 p.m.? You can see all that you've seen in a week in about an hour. Minus the white chicks.

[Kaos]

You can thank Sherman, I guess. Ever rode the Marta after 10 p.m.? You can see all that you've seen in a week in about an hour. Minus the white chicks.

Nope.  I'm passing on Marta.  Can't make me get on there.  Zimmerman couldn't make me get on there. 

[dallaswareagle]

Nice place to fly over and into, rent-a-car and drive to Auburn.

[Godfather]

Been here since Sunday.  I've seen:

> Woman riding a fat people scooter with a day's old baby attached to her open tit.  She looked to be in her 60s.  Asked me for $20. 

> Hobo laying on the sidewalk who had puked in the gutter and street.  Squirrel was sitting in the middle of the vomit pool snacking.  As I walked by, the squirrel glared at me like "you are NOT getting any of this vomit."  I wondered if perhaps the squirrel was getting drunk from the remnants.  Or perhaps tweaked if there was meth in there.. 

> Woman with THREE gut rolls, each bigger than her breast swell.  She was wearing a bikini that might have fit a ten-year old girl.  Mats of vulgar hair exploding out from the front.  Wads and wads of cottage cheese pulsing through her skin bags.  There were several in her party all approaching her relative hippo-ness.  Some people should simply NOT wear bikinis.

> Muslim family at the pool.  Women (two wives apparently) wearing Muslim swim gear.  Full scuba suit including head piece and booties.  Black long shirt covering that down to mid calf.  Some black thing that looked like GI Joe covering mouth.   Daddy muslim though?  Neon green speedo.  He looked like a bear wearing Robin's underwear. 

> Every road in this town is closed or under construction.  My GPS finally said "screw you, buddy.  Find it yourself" after screaming TURN, TURN,  MAKE A U-TURN, STOP, GO THE OTHER WAY for half an hour.  And at the same time cops and construction workers were screaming at me to go the opposite way of where I NEEDED to go.   If I had to live and drive in this madness every day I would be a serial killer.

> Dude in a parking garage said "we are full unless you have $40."   The sign said hourly or something like $12 a day.   He said they were "busy" and only accepted cars who were willing to pay a higher amount.  I negotiated him down to $20, but he said I only had an hour.  After that what happened to my car was...... and he shrugged.  Bear in mind that I'd been driving around for more than half an hour looking at closed streets and no parking places within ten blocks of where I needed to be.  When I start killing he's on the list.   

> For all the talk of Southern hospitality, this is the RUDEST town I've ever seen.

I miss you

[CCTAU]

I miss you

You two should get a room...IN MIDTOWN!

[wesfau2]

I was going to guess the lack of teenaged boys would be your objection.

[Snaggletiger]

I was going to guess the lack of teenaged boys would be your objection.

hussel. ur doin' it rite

[dallaswareagle]

I was going to guess the lack of teenaged boys would be your objection.

Wayne Williams had something to do with that. 

[AU_Tiger_2000]

Have not regretted leaving once in the 8 years I have been gone.  And I lived OTP, way OTP.

[Snaggletiger]

Where does "Atlanta" begin and end.  My wife's sister and her family lived "in Atlanta" for about 7-8 years.  At least that's what they claimed so people could put it in perspective, when the reality was, I don't think they even lived in the same county.  But if you left their house to drive to something in the city, you'd drive about 30 miles without ever distinguishing one area from another.  The whole area has just blended in to one big city that everyone seems to call Atlanta.  Huge.   

[dallaswareagle]

Where does "Atlanta" begin and end.  My wife's sister and her family lived "in Atlanta" for about 7-8 years.  At least that's what they claimed so people could put it in perspective, when the reality was, I don't think they even lived in the same county.  But if you left their house to drive to something in the city, you'd drive about 30 miles without ever distinguishing one area from another.  The whole area has just blended in to one big city that everyone seems to call Atlanta.  Huge.

Same with me, I live northeast of Dallas but call it Dallas, beside "Rowlettwareagle" doesn't have the same feel.

[Snaggletiger]

Same with me, I live northeast of Dallas but call it Dallas, beside "Rowlettwareagle" doesn't have the same feel.

Werd. I think they lived in "Ackworth" but it was just easier to say Atlanta rather than explain that it's 30 miles northeast of Atlanta..or wherever it is. 

[AU_Tiger_2000]

Werd. I think they lived in "Ackworth" but it was just easier to say Atlanta rather than explain that it's 30 miles northeast of Atlanta..or wherever it is.

That's where I lived too.  Except it is spelled Assworth.

[CCTAU]

Acworth assholes. And its hard to say where Acworth begins and ends......

[Kaos]

I dunno where it starts and ends.  Staying at a resort about 20 miles out.  But it's like a six-lane interstate just seconds from here.  Been having to work in and around downtown (near golden dome) and around Atlantic Station which is sort of cool in a way, but it's such a convoluted swirl to get there I hate it. 

I hate the bums and the panhandling.  It stresses my faith. 

On one hand the Bible says to give to any who ask.  But on the other hand when you KNOW they're going to buy meth are you doing right?  I honestly lose sleep over it.  I should have given titty-gran $20.  It wouldn't hurt me.  I'd never miss it.  But I didn't. 

Which one that I turn away is the one that I will have to answer for?

[AU_Tiger_2000]

Acworth assholes. And its hard to say where Acworth begins and ends......

It begins just east of Wildman's Civil War Surplus (google it, just maybe not at work) in Kennesaw and ends just west of the 10th Waffle House on 92.

[CCTAU]

It begins just east of Wildman's Civil War Surplus (google it, just maybe not at work) in Kennesaw and ends just west of the 10th Waffle House on 92.

No shit!

Now draw a coherent picture of those boundaries!

[Godfather]

When did they annex in the Pooter Cooter?

[Kaos]

Another reason

Coming through the lobby of the resort where we're staying there was a guy in the lobby. 

Mid to late 50s. Weight about 109 pounds.  Big egg head with the bald thing and the hair just around the sides.  Bespectacled. 

It was either Finebaum or that greasy weasel has a twin. 

I gave him the double-take look and he almost visibly snarled and pulled his computer closer.  So it was probably him.  Too bad I'd just taken a whizz or I could have freshened up his coffee.