Wench's Tips for Job Applicants

[Tiger Wench]

Repost off my FB wall for those of you not on the bookfaces:  I am so frustrated I could scream.  Maybe the girls are candidates for a job on the X, but otherwise... 

Right now I am interviewing candidates for a position in my department. For you job seekers out there, a few helpful tips. (And these are my actual experiences...)
 
First, gmail is a free service, so take five minutes and set up a professional-looking email address to include on your resume. Whassup, "XX-la-pimpsta@gmail".

Second, when cutting and pasting from online job descriptions to flesh out your resume, remember that three different font styles and sizes on one page can often be a dead giveaway to a prospective employer that your resume is A FAKE.

Third, never offer up in an interview that your mom has gotten you every job you have ever had.  Especially if you are 26.
 
And finally, for the love of Bacchus... I am all about having a good time on your own time, but damn, people - MAKE THE PICTURES ON YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE PRIVATE. 'Cause, yeah, I Googled you.

Hey there, Little Miss Looks Great On Paper, who was a serious candidate until I saw your profile pic where you are braless in a wife beater and shotgunning a beer, and the latest pic you were tagged in is of you doing tequila shots off a guy's crotch. I'm sure the Ops guys are just trying to make you feel like part of the team with all the Happy Hour invites.

That also goes for you, Little Miss I Think I'll Post My Lingerie Pictures on the Internet. Yep, I found those too. So will the Ops guys, and oh, yeah, they are TOTALLY going to take you seriously.

And you too, Mr. Spring Break 2012 Party Boy. That ever present bottle of Jack in your hand and a different girl in a skimpy bikini in every picture tells me you are definitely the guy to negotiate a complex multi-year, multi-million dollar contract for us. Rock on, man. And I think I'll take a #1 with no cheese, no onions.

[Vandy Vol]

Hey there, Little Miss Looks Great On Paper, who was a serious candidate until I saw your profile pic where you are braless in a wife beater and shotgunning a beer, and the latest pic you were tagged in is of you doing tequila shots off a guy's crotch. I'm sure the Ops guys are just trying to make you feel like part of the team with all the Happy Hour invites.

That also goes for you, Little Miss I Think I'll Post My Lingerie Pictures on the Internet. Yep, I found those too. So will the Ops guys, and oh, yeah, they are TOTALLY going to take you seriously.

 

[Tiger Wench]

Am surprised you were the one to post this.  Was expecting Uncle Sani or Snaggie.

[Vandy Vol]

Am surprised you were the one to post this.  Was expecting Uncle Sani or Snaggie.

They're getting slow in their golden years.

[Saniflush]

Am surprised you were the one to post this.  Was expecting Uncle Sani or Snaggie.

I think he meant of XX-la-pimpsta.

[Godfather]

I think he meant of XX-la-pimpsta.

[Buzz Killington]

I gotta find a job in teh Human Capital Field

[Godfather]

I gotta find a job in teh Human Capital Field

Your stories are good you just don't get to view pictures of half naked womenz....at work anyways.

[DnATL]

I think he meant of XX-la-pimpsta.

No, he wanted to see the pictures of the spring break party boy

[Tiger Wench]

I think he meant of XX-la-pimpsta.

I hope not. She is a Nubian goddess. 

[Godfather]

I hope not. She is a Nubian goddess.

Oh boy now you got Tarheel excited.

[wesfau2]

That ever present bottle of Jack in your hand and a different girl in a skimpy bikini in every picture tells me you are definitely the guy to negotiate a complex multi-year, multi-million dollar contract for us.

OK, I get the objection to the booze pics, but what the fuck is with the cattiness about his girls?  That's some bullshit.

[dallaswareagle]

Your stories are good you just don't get to view pictures of half naked womenz....at work anyways.

Now that is a deal breaker.

I will also add don't show up to an interview with me with a ankle monitor on. That lets me know that other people have been interested in you.

[Buzz Killington]

OK, I get the objection to the booze pics, but what the fuck is with the cattiness about his girls?  That's some bullshit.

Lets me know he's a multitasker with strong networking skills!

[Saniflush]

Now that is a deal breaker.

I will also add don't show up to an interview with me with a ankle monitor on. That lets me know that other people have been interested in you.

Call the P.O. and get the story.

[AUTiger1]

OK, I get the objection to the booze pics, but what the fuck is with the cattiness about his girls?  That's some bullshit.

I was going to say, if he is an ugly mother and the bikini clad women are hot, then he might be exactly the guy you want to negotiate multi-million dollar deals.   

[wesfau2]

I was going to say, if he is an ugly mother and the bikini clad women are hot, then he might be exactly the guy you want to negotiate multi-million dollar deals.

Exactly.  Dude is a closer.

[Tiger Wench]

I was going to say, if he is an ugly mother and the bikini clad women are hot, then he might be exactly the guy you want to negotiate multi-million dollar deals.

They aren't hot.  Unless you think skanks are hot.  And maybe some of you do.  These are Texas skanks at Galveston or Corpus, not SEC co-eds in PCB or P'cola.  Remember, everything is bigger in Texas, and our skanks are bigger skanks than your skanks.

I was thinking that it might be hard to make Monday morning meetings if you are having to go by the clinic to get a shot to stop the drip.  Squirming around in your chair because the crabs are making your crotch itch also would make it difficult to focus on the nuances of the deal. 

He's a no.  He might has been worth a look if there had been washboard abs, but there weren't. And I'm not allowed to ask them to take their shirts off anyway, so...

[AWK]

They aren't hot.  Unless you think skanks are hot.  And maybe some of you do.  These are Texas skanks at Galveston or Corpus, not SEC co-eds in PCB or P'cola.  Remember, everything is bigger in Texas, and our skanks are bigger skanks than your skanks.

I was thinking that it might be hard to make Monday morning meetings if you are having to go by the clinic to get a shot to stop the drip.  Squirming around in your chair because the crabs are making your crotch itch also would make it difficult to focus on the nuances of the deal. 

He's a no.  He might has been worth a look if there had been washboard abs, but there weren't. And I'm not allowed to ask them to take their shirts off anyway, so...

Damn Sexual Harassment laws...

[Tiger Wench]

Damn Sexual Harassment laws...

Word.  I have my cougar credentials, and can't even use them.