Hooo, boy. Glad she's not dating any of you...

[Tiger Wench]

Dear Prudence,
I've been dating someone for a few months, and things have gotten serious very fast. We are highly compatible and have had no difficulty resolving the few minor disagreements we've had thus far--except one. I'm a cuddler. I want to hold my partner and be held by my partner at night. Preferably all night. My partner will hold me for the first five to 10 minutes in bed, or I him, and then he will tend to move to the opposite side of the bed for the night. At first I hinted that I'd like more extensive touching at night, and he said he'd make an effort to fulfill my cuddling needs. I switched to gently but clearly asking him for more contact in bed at night. But after a disappointing weekend, I tearfully explained to him how sad I was that we don't hold each other at night. He then told me that it's uncomfortable for him--too hot and confining. Is it unreasonable to ask a partner to change their sleeping style to accommodate this particular show of affection? Maybe one night a week? Sleeping entwined with my lover is a very tender experience for me, and I intensely don't want to lose this lover, yet I'm finding it very hard to accept that he is unwilling to find a way to make this meaningful act a possibility for us. Am I wrong?

--Unembraced

To be fair, I think she sounds like a neurotic idiot.  But I immediately thought to myself how one of you guys would have responded - so here's your chance!!  Amuse me with your witty replies!!   

[wesfau2]

To be fair, I think she sounds like a neurotic idiot.  But I immediately thought to myself how one of you guys would have responded - so here's your chance!!  Amuse me with your witty replies!!   

I'm not your performing monkey.

PS- Dat bitch be crazy.  Fuck her in da mouf.

[AWK]

To be fair, I think she sounds like a neurotic idiot.  But I immediately thought to myself how one of you guys would have responded - so here's your chance!!  Amuse me with your witty replies!!   

Dear unembraced,

You are sleeping 98% of the time you are cuddling, You will not even know I am fucking there.  Buy a Teddy Bear you attention whore.

Love,
Your boyfriend who is likely considering breaking up with you.

[Ogre]

Dear Prudence,
I've been dating someone for a few months, and things have gotten serious very fast. We are highly compatible and have had no difficulty resolving the few minor disagreements we've had thus far--except one. I'm a cuddler. I want to hold my partner and be held by my partner at night. Preferably all night. My partner will hold me for the first five to 10 minutes in bed, or I him, and then he will tend to move to the opposite side of the bed for the night. At first I hinted that I'd like more extensive touching at night, and he said he'd make an effort to fulfill my cuddling needs. I switched to gently but clearly asking him for more contact in bed at night. But after a disappointing weekend, I tearfully explained to him how sad I was that we don't hold each other at night. He then told me that it's uncomfortable for him--too hot and confining. Is it unreasonable to ask a partner to change their sleeping style to accommodate this particular show of affection? Maybe one night a week? Sleeping entwined with my lover is a very tender experience for me, and I intensely don't want to lose this lover, yet I'm finding it very hard to accept that he is unwilling to find a way to make this meaningful act a possibility for us. Am I wrong?

--Unembraced

Dear Unembraced,

I'm willing to bet that the reason that your partner will cuddle with you the first 5 or 10 minutes in bed is because he thinks he's got a shot of getting laid.  Once 10 minutes has passed and he sees that you aren't going to open up your love canal, what reason would he want to hold you like a teddy bear?  There is none.  It's an uncomfortable way to sleep.  Unless you start putting out more, pretty soon he's going to quit touching you all together, and then you're going to really be fucked.  

I've got news for you, honey - all the guys who like to cuddle at night are gay, so unless you've got a dick swinging between your legs, you are shit out of luck in this and any future relationship.  I'm sorry that what you have isn't something out of a fairy tale, but wake up!  This is the real world.  

Now go back to reading your romance novels and let the man have his space, for fuck's sake.  If you are as annoying and pretentious as you sound in your letter, you should consider yourself lucky that you even have someone to sleep in the same bed with you.  

Sweet dreams,

Ogre

[Aubie16]

Ogre just won. There is no question.

[AUChizad]

Who said unembraced was a woman?

[AWK]

Who said unembraced was a woman?

Very good point.  While there are some subtle inferences that the writer is feminine language such as partner, lack of the pronoun describing oneself as she/her, and the lack of the phrase "my boyfriend/girlfriend" may imply that this is a gay couple. 


Which leads to the obvious conclusion as to why Orge has the best answer. 

[DnATL]

Who said unembraced was a woman?

Good point - If AWK would just snuggle a bit with Chad, then he could stop these public pleas for attention and affirmation, and get back to his Wii

[AWK]

Good point - If AWK would just snuggle a bit with Chad, then he could stop these public pleas for attention and affirmation, and get back to his Wii

Wouldn't you rather have your wii played with then snuggle?

[DnATL]

Wouldn't you rather have your wii played with then snuggle?

II bet that's what you tell all the kids at the local GameStop

[AWK]

II bet that's what you tell all the kids at the local GameStop

I shop at Toys R Us where the pickin is good.

[GarMan]

Dear Prudence,
I've been dating someone for a few months, and things have gotten serious very fast. We are highly compatible and have had no difficulty resolving the few minor disagreements we've had thus far--except one. I'm a cuddler. I want to hold my partner and be held by my partner at night. Preferably all night. My partner will hold me for the first five to 10 minutes in bed, or I him, and then he will tend to move to the opposite side of the bed for the night. At first I hinted that I'd like more extensive touching at night, and he said he'd make an effort to fulfill my cuddling needs. I switched to gently but clearly asking him for more contact in bed at night. But after a disappointing weekend, I tearfully explained to him how sad I was that we don't hold each other at night. He then told me that it's uncomfortable for him--too hot and confining. Is it unreasonable to ask a partner to change their sleeping style to accommodate this particular show of affection? Maybe one night a week? Sleeping entwined with my lover is a very tender experience for me, and I intensely don't want to lose this lover, yet I'm finding it very hard to accept that he is unwilling to find a way to make this meaningful act a possibility for us. Am I wrong?

--Unembraced

Dear Unembraced,

Yes, you are wrong.  I can tell by the tone of your message that it's always about you and your "needs", isn't it?  Have you ever stopped to consider his needs?  Maybe, he'd like a little "more contact in bed at night" too.  Do you really think he enjoys waking up every morning with a bad case of blue balls?  Would it be too much of an inconvenience for you to provide a little head every now and then?  Don't like the taste?  Get over it!  And, anal only hurts when you don't use enough lubrication.  When was the last time you brought home your hot girlfriend from work for a fun-filled threesome?  Have you ever even considered inviting your neighbor's 18 year old daughter over for an evening romp?  If that's too much to ask, the least you could do is bring home a hooker.  If you're serious about this relationship, you need to put more effort into it.  Your pathetic "tender moment" demands are only going to drive him away. 

Sincerely,
Reality Check

[Come Honor Face]

Dear Unembraced,

Mom, go home, dad will only do that when he's drunk... I know from experience.

Your little girl,

 Prudence

[Saniflush]

I'm not your performing monkey.

Off my Kool-Aid Wench.  That monkey dances for me.

[Pell City Tiger]

Dear Unembraced's boyfriend,

Invest in one of these. You'll be better off in the long run.



Prudence