I read that article. Hated it. Hated it so much that when I was beginning to post it here, I thought, "No. I don't need to subject my TigersX brethren and sistren to this drivel."
Why did I hate it?
1. Tebow was not that amazing. Legendary? Yeah. I'll give that to him. But he had flawed mechanics and subpar speed. What made Tebow so legendary was his team and his coach's unconventional offense. He was surrounded with star talent on offense, defense, and special teams. Tebow was clutch, but he was no Cam Newton. There's absolutely no guarantee that Alabama upsets Florida in Gainesville because of Tebow. Florida (in reality) won that game 28-13. Why would Tebow as a backup help a Shula-led, probation ridden Alabama team beat a team laden with talent in their home stadium? Because of Zook? Maybe. But I don't buy it.
2. Why does Tennessee beat LSU in the SEC title game in 2006? That was an amazing LSU team that lost to a damn good Auburn team in Auburn and a damn good Florida team in Gainesville. Pretty much beat the hell out of everyone else. Oh and actually beat Tennessee in the regular season of 2006. But I guess Stewart had to have something to write about.
3. Further, in 2006, Auburn was actually in front of Florida for the national championship spot until that dreadful Georgia game. Since we're doing arbitrary changes to the 2006 season (like LSU losing somehow to a team they had already beaten), why not say Auburn had a clearer view of the BCSCG since Florida wasn't so good and LSU was so good and Auburn had beaten LSU? With this clairvoyance, Auburn doesn't lay an egg against Georgia at home (because since we're changing everything, it wasn't a cold, windy, rainy, miserable day on the plains. It was sunny and mild. And since Auburn was in such a prime position for the BCSCG, the game wasn't played at 7 o'clock in the morning; kickoff was at 2:30 on CBS). And before Stewart retorts with, "Well, Auburn may not have won the West anyway because Arkansas had beat them," what does it matter? We've seen in real life that some fantastical bullshit can occur when a team doesn't win their division or their conference, so why not plug that possibility into the equation? It's more logical than LSU somehow making its way into the SECCG and losing to Tennessee.
4. And since we're discussing Tennessee winning the SECCG and then subsequently whipping Notre Dame in the Sugar Bowl, where's the Phillip Fulmer storyline? Fulmer being a masterful recruiter would have used that to his advantage, pulled in a few more top recruits to complement Eric Berry, hired a few assistants to improve playcalling, and began terrorizing the SEC from 2006-2008 since Florida was down, Georgia probably fires Mark Richt after losing to Auburn in 2006, and Alabama was coached by Shula who is keeping his job because...
5. Let's take a break from the mythical world of Mandel's stupidity. Cam Newton. These pieces of breakfast shit can't let it go. Out of all the sensational changes to college football, the one he absolutely can't change is Cam Newton's character. Just a thug piece of shit that steals laptops. And if this guy thinks for one second that Meyer or Stoops or anybody would kick off their Heisman trophy candidate quarterback superstar over one arrest, he deserves to be pushing pencils for Bleacher Report writers.
6. ...because Tebow leads Alabama to a national championship. Mike Shula, Joe Kines, Mal Moore, the Bear's Children, and Tim Tebow are able to change that dysfunctional wasteland of former college football glory into the best team in the land. Elephantine diarrhea right here. This is the change that boggles the mind. The guy who had zero control of his team - the one who had a chair pulled out from under him by his own starting quarterback - the one who dishes out ice cream to players arrested - the one who recruits and enables drug dealers like DJ Hall and Jimmy Johns - this guy is able to outcoach every team in the SEC and win the BCSCG? PPFFFFFTTTTTTTT.
7. The idea that Chip Kelly's offense is worth a shit. It's just so damn fast, SEC fans. You have no idea. Ignore what happened in real life against Auburn and LSU. Think about what could have happened if Leak gained one more yard! Kelly goes to Florida State and starts kicking ass and taking names! Ooohh whheee!
8. Why would one yard influence conference realignment? Someone had a deadline for 1000 words and had to fill space somehow. Nebraska left the Big 12 because Texas was a money-attention whore and the Big 10 offered Nebraska a better spotlight. The Big 10 also needed Nebraska just as much as the Huskers needed to get away from Texas. So to think that Missouri would be selected over Nebraska because a few things changed on the field after the 2005 season is hackneyed paper filler.
9. I'm confused how this universe of Stewart's still exists without Alabama being obliterated by the NCAA. Shula is of the Bryant lineage. While he was coach, regular candle-light vigils were held on Finebaum's show for The Bear. Many callers, fans, and janitors spent many an hour reflecting on Bear's greatness and how "if only Shula did (insert one apocryphal Bryant strategy), he'd improve as a coach." Is Stewart that out of touch with the reality of Alabama football that he failed to see how those old geezers would act knowing Shula was "this close" to a dynasty with the all mighty Tebow? Cash would be flowing. And Shula's goofy ass would get caught. He had no discipline for his team, and one of those idiots would run their mouths when something didn't go right.
10. Just skimming towards the bottom, where the hell did a playoff come from? And does he really think if Petrino was leading LSU to national championships, they'd (they being Louisiana, one of the most corrupt states in USA history) allow a motorcycle scandal to hit the national media? The real change to life's timeline would be this headline: "Petrino crashes motorcycle after female drug addict ran across street."
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