You crazy man. My high school was brimming with girls who were hot and had quality bodies.
I still see some of them around. Even now more than 20 years later and after kids, divorces, etc. they STILL look better than all but one, maybe one and a half of the baboons in this flick.
I went to a juco graduation last night. There were about 500 in the processional and at least 25 or 30 of the girls blew away everything but maybe one, one and a half, of the sloppy sloths in this video.
I went back and watched it again just to make sure and holy shit it was bad. Other than the one with the stripper bounce on the stairs and the chick obscured by sasquatch it was a great big pile of narrow eyed pig faces with flapping flab in all the wrong places.
You people are really disgusting. Even in high school at the height of my 'fuck anything that moves' hormonal rage I wouldn't have dipped the cucumber in those dismal pots.
:15 - Pancake tits, balloon ass, beer gut, pinched pig face, narrow eyes and a forehead the size of a satellite dish. No thanks. Pass.
1:12 - Sax girl. Very plain. Would have to be drunk, even today.
1:50 - Girl in black is Ichabod Crane's horse mouthed sister. She dances like somebody is tasing her in slow motion. The blonde in white behind her? Potential. Mark that one down. Didn't see her the first time, the scarecrow and the tin man (black girl in white dress) had me distracted.
2:15 - If Jay Jacobs and Ron Howard had a love child, this would be it. Would possibly have more potential if she didn't clearly think her dough face and thick trunk was super hot. But I guess she gets plenty of attention at that school since there's so little competition. Another one with the eyes of a pig. She's gonna look like puffy hell in four or five years.
2:59 - Squeeeeeeal.
3:11 - Tight jeans are not muppet girl's friend. Very plain. Wouldn't notice her anywhere.
3:21 - How did a horse with the mumps get in there? Is that sanitary?
3:42 - Fair. Not remarkable. But not something you'd instantly spurn like the horse before her. So make that two possibles. Somewhat piggish eyes (again). Seems to be a theme here.
4:00 - Neither worth mentioning. One appears to be a Menonite.
4:26 - One in a black shirt on the dance team might have some potential but you don't get to see enough to tell.
4:40 - Looks almost exactly like the girl who was my last drunk resort in high school. If nothing else worked you could usually find JO at home and she would sneak down to her back porch for time on the patio furniture. So while this one isn't exactly heinous, I'll have to pass. Already been there. And I saw five better jogging past my window in the last 45 minutes.
4:48 - Were they filming Planet of the Apes in another part of the school?
4:53 - Squeeeeeeeal. Put some shoes on Arnold.
5:03 - Isn't she Precious...
5:15 - 5:26 - Pretty outstanding. Feral teeth but that can be overlooked. Still there were at least five or more of these in every class where I went to school.
5:31 - Face mashed in by a skillet.
5:46 - Appears to be a girl in lime green with some potential behind the enormous fucking dork with beads. Again the camera doesn't stay with it long enough to make a determination.
6:09 - Squeeeeeeeeal. In black and white.
6:30 - No words. Just vomit.
6:45 - Glowstick girl. This was the half of the original one and a half. She's sort of plain but not bad. She's spoiled somewhat by the Charles Manson doppelganger who follows. Something about him makes me want to take a metal baseball bat and beat him senseless. But still, keep the girl in. She moves like a stripper.
7:12 - Squeeeeeeal.
7:50 - If Lady Gaga had an abortion, it would look like this.
8:21 - I hate her on Shake it Up. I hate her here.
8:33 - One of the better looking girls in this video. Too bad it's a guy.
8:50 - Scarf? Her face is fat. I probably wouldn't have rejected this one then but knowing now what I didn't know then? She's gonna be a porker. But since we're not talking about future you can count this one if you want. Not enthused about it though.
9:20 - Ugh.
9:40 - There seems to be one cheerleader behind Bilbo Retardo who wouldn't frighten children.
9:43 - Another horse. This one in sequins.
End.
26 Replies
3315 Views