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Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3640 on: March 11, 2025, 12:47:43 PM »
Ooooo sick burn...just another fifth grade bully who never grew up.

I did seriously want to know if you were on crack. That wasn't a shot. I think you are on something.

THIRD grade.  Don't overestimate. 

You need to see a dermatologist.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3641 on: March 11, 2025, 12:52:08 PM »
THIRD grade.  Don't overestimate. 

You need to see a dermatologist.

I saw a Proctologist last night.  He had a lab coat on with a stethoscope around his neck, so he looked legit anyway.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3642 on: March 11, 2025, 03:47:45 PM »
I saw a Proctologist last night.  He had a lab coat on with a stethoscope around his neck, so he looked legit anyway.

Is that you, Mr. Babar?

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Snaggletiger

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3643 on: March 11, 2025, 05:18:37 PM »
Mooooon Riveeerrr
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3644 on: March 11, 2025, 08:49:04 PM »
Mooooon Riveeerrr

That’s the kind of quality that keeps me coming back.
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3645 on: March 15, 2025, 08:12:04 PM »
Returning to regularly scheduled programming...

The Silent Hour

Joel Kinnaman is now two-thirds of the way through his "hear, speak, and see no evil" movie tour.  We got 'speak no evil' when he played a mute dad out for vengance in Silent Night.  Here, in The Silent Hour, Kinnaman covers 'hear no evil' as he takes on the role of a detective who suffers an injury that renders him deaf. Here's hoping he can pick up the trifecta. Anyone out there with a script featuring a blind detective out for vengeance? Send it to Joel. Let's make this happen.

Other than the deafness angle, there's not much else here. It's kind of a cookie cutter "dude against corrupt people in his circle" type of movie we've seen eleven billion times. It's honestly fairly predictable.

He's dragged into a case because his deafness gives him a communication advantage with a hearing impaired woman (who's attractive in a relative way). Of course she knows some big secret, they team up, have some sort of attraction, and deal with the bad guys who come after them. 

It's pretty routine. But that familiarity makes it endurable.

The cast includes Mark Strong (good in Sherlock) and Mekhi Phifer (8 Mile and I thought he had died or something). Kinnaman might have a decent career, but after he finishes the three-fer and plays a blind guy, he's got to step out of this pigeon-holed role.  It's kind of like "oooh, Neeson's too old now for this formulaic stumble through the fight, let's get Kinnaman."

Don't really have a ruling on it.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2025, 09:24:45 PM by Kaos »
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3646 on: March 15, 2025, 08:36:07 PM »
Fly Me to the Moon

Better than I expected "what if" story about the 1969 moon landing. Did we? Or was it all shot on a backlot soundstage.

We've had serious movies about this before. Capricorn One featuring future murderer OJ Simpson (as well as Thanos' dad, Bosley from the Angels, Kojack, Jack McCoy, Mark Twain, Reuben Tishkoff, and more), for instance. This is the first time the story's been played as a romantic comedy, however.

Scarlett Johannsen is a glib and duplicitious advertising dynamo plucked by Woody Harrellson (kinda representing the Nixon administration) to make sure the moon landing goes off without a hitch, whether it actually goes off or not. Channing Tatum plays a (chowder brained) NASA engineer charged with making the actual landing happen.

While he's working on the real thing, she's along beside him - without his knowledge building a full set and training actors to broadcast the live event. Woody wants it to go smoothly - for no other reason than he wants to let America see us beating the Russians on live TV.

Like all goofy romantic comedies, there's that moment of misunderstanding and the "why did you lie to me" confrontation before there can be any potential reconciliation. 

Johannsen is actually pretty decent here. Slipping in and out of (sometimes bad) accents to charm the right people at the right time to keep the moon project (both real and fake) going when it looks like patience, money, interest is flagging. Didn't hate her performance. Tatum is - as always - a flat lump of regurtitated oatmeal who always looks like he's having to quash a turd when asked to deliver actual dialogue. Comedy I think he can do. Playing a dumb guy? Yeah. It's a stretch to make him an engineer here although there is one, singular, maybe ten-second-long moment where you can see that there might be something else in there, but he just doesn't know how to get it out. Harrellson is his usual self, good without meaning to be.

I enjoyed it more than I expected to. It's light, neon-bright, breezy piffle and the cast - especially Johansnsen and excluding Tatum - looks like they had fun making it.

Watching the rocket take off was actually great for me. It stirred a kind of patriotic nostalgia that I'd forgotten. That was a fantastic, extremely proud time for America and even though I didn't appreciate it (being a tiny child) in the moment, it was still fresh enough even by the time I got to school that it had strong resonance. A member of NASA (from Huntsville) came to our school when I was in first grade and brought a collection of items used in the landing (gloves, tools, boots, helmet). He also had a rock from the moon that each of us got to touch briefly.  It could have been a rock from the parking lot, I know, but don't piss on the memory. 

It's also a reminder of a different political time. The moon was Kennedy's dream but it was Nixon who got us there. Today?  If Trump had the vision and desire to put a man on Venus, the next democrat behind him would drop his pants and defecate on the idea.

So for me, this AppleTV entry is a definite play if for no other reason, the nostalgic return to that era (and its cars).
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3647 on: March 16, 2025, 12:24:36 AM »
CopShop

Not to be confused with Copland or Robocop or Mall Cop or Kindergarten Cop.

Gerard Butler and the Grillo guy from Purge face off in a mob/jailhouse/police station gun battle. 

A lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. It started out looking like it was going to be an irreverent, fun type film (maybe reminiscent of The Nice Guys with Russell Crowe) but then it quickly veered into something completely different. The opening scene was just a feint. What it turned into wasn't great on the whole, but it did have one good performance.

Grillo's a mob "fixer" who goes against the mob and gets himself arrested in an effort to avoid his pursuer. (The first of many really stupid story arcs).  Butler is the guy after him - who gets himself arrested and incarcerated at the same dusty desert police station.

A nearly bald black lady cop is the smartest person in every room and starts digging into the mob guy and trying to figure out what the story was. That puts her on the radar of the mob. There's a really dumb crooked cop angle that gets wedged in there. And then - the only good performance in the entire show (Toby Huss, who you'll know but nor from where, he's one of those guys) shows up. Looney tunes mob killer, there to clean things up by making a huge mess. He's at least fun and harkens back to the misleading opening scene.

From the time he shows up, though, the film devolves into the most improbable rain of bullets that rarely hit anybody you've ever seen. Thousands of rounds.

Meanwhile, the smartest black person in the room stupidly wounds herself with her own gun. For the last third of the movie she alternates from being a half-breath from dying to clear-eyed and rampaging. It literally makes no sense. It defies logic and sensibility. She's one of the ones that rains bullets and has bullets rained upon her without much impact.  Hundreds and hundreds of rounds. 

The ending is equally idiotic. After another resurrection from barely able to draw a breath, super black is back and she's clear-eyed; full of piss and vinegar.

It was just so stupid and unbelievable it was impossible to get over. Butler wasn't as bad as he usually is, but he's played similar roles like 450 times. It's tiring.

Not much to recommend here. 

« Last Edit: March 16, 2025, 12:34:21 AM by Kaos »
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3648 on: March 18, 2025, 08:00:45 AM »
Longleg

Not what I expected. Extremely strange movie.

Maika Monroe proving she can do dour, sour, and mopey (see also Watchers, It Follows .. might just be the natural state of her face?), Nicholas Cage proving he can do really bad makeup (Dad of Mask?), Kiernan Shipka proving she can look ugly (which is a little surprising), Alicia Witt proving maybe she's just a D-Girl after all (right Chrissy? What did we ever see in her?), and Blair Underwood proving he looks pretty good for a 60 year old and probably should have had a better career (where has Jonathan Rollins been since L.A. Law, anyway?).

Weird story about a serial killer who uses props to get others to do his dirty work, the people who help, and the motivation behind it. Not sure why the name 'Longleg' was chosen, had some questions about the herky-jerky camera choices, had some questions about some really problematic directorial decisions - not the least of which was the back-and-forth-in-time trope. 

Without giving away too much - in case you watch it - here are a few from the first few minutes that bugged me.

Dour face goes on a door knocking "manhunt" with a randomly assigned FBI partner (and you knew he was expendable like a Star Trek red shirt almost instantly). She intuits where the bad guy is, he gets his face blown off after knocking at the door, and she..... backs up against the flimsy window of the apartment.   This isn't back to the wall stuff, the bad guy could have shot right through the window into her head and ended the film in that instant. She doesn't "call it in" despite moments earlier saying they should call it in, instead she goes into the house to search for the guy, only to find a Dexterish panapoly of plastic sheeting.

Then she goes back to the agency (hello Mr. Clinton) and is questioned by her boss about how she knew the bad guy was in that specific apartment.  BASED ON WHAT?  The red-shirt partner eschewed "calling it in."  Who was aware that she "knew which apartment" other than her? What did she do, go back and say "yeah, I knew which one he was in, so...."  and that was just accepted at face value? 

I had a lot of problems with the script and the directoral direction. A LOT of problems.

It's a low budget film (does Cage do anything else these days) and it has a moment or two, but overall.... just didn't care for it. It was slow, it was bleak, it made little sense at times, and it left me flat.
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3649 on: March 20, 2025, 10:42:37 AM »
Electric State

Movie popped up out of nowhere on Netflix [full disclaimer, I do not pay for Flix so as to avoid that inevitable comment]. Had seen no promotion for it, no buildup, nothing. Just "here it is..." 

The movie looks great. Visuals, CGI (the vast majority) is good. It has the expansive look of a big budget, tentpole type film. And the cast supports that 'big movie' concept.  Chris Pratt, Millie Boobie Blippy Brown, Woody Harrellson, Giancarlo (Gus Fring) Esposito, Anthony (Fake Captain America) Mackie, Jenny (Supposedly famous?) Slate, Jonathan Ke (Oscar winning Short Round) Quan, Brian Cox, Stanley Tucci, Holly (Get me that baby) Hunter, Jason (Costanza) Alexander, Michelle Yeoh, Alan (I'll fong you) Tudyk... Huge, expensive celebrated cast.

A little while into the film, as I saw the look of it and watched name after name actor pop up, I did a little checking. It's big budget, alright. Netflix supposedly spent over $320 million making this movie. They went all out. The film was made under the guidance and direction of the Russos - who were fully or partially responsible for Marvel entries Endgame, Infinity Wars, Winter Soldier and Civil War, as well as Community and Arrested Development. For comparative purposes, they spent more to make this film than they did to make Infinity War. That film grossed over $2 billion. Electric State is on track to make two dollars and forty cents.
I honestly cannot concieve of how Netflix intended to make back its investment when Electric State (regardless of critical reception) will have no theatrical release and no trail of streaming rental revenue. New subscriptions? Even assuming every new sub at the highest rate pays for an entire year, the service would have to sell roughly 1.1 million new subs just to cover the cost of this one film.

Take the financial considerations out. What happened here?  Why was this enormously expensive, broadly expansive, CGI stuffed film flying so far under the radar? How did it take so much (alleged) acting and directoral talent and a budget the size of a double-wide trailer and generate a film that has no buzz and no audience traction? Why are critics so brutally abusing it? 

The story (apparently adopted from some graphic novel) is that in the early 90s these product placement robots rose up against humanity and demanded civil rights. There was a war. The robots lost and their representative - Mr. Peanut - signed a treaty with President Clinton. Robots were banished to a restricted area in the American desert. Meanwhile, Mr. Skate (Tucci) created some VR headset that everybody wears which essentially turns the entire nation into a drooling mass. Everybody basically exists in their own fantasy worlds within these giant headpieces (or something).  Bibby Bee Blonde goes on a mission to find her brother - whom she thought was dead - when a robot purporting to contain his essence shows up. She hooks Pratt (playing a watered down version of Starlord) and his robot along for the ride. Along the way she runs afoul of Mr. Skate and ignites a showdown beween the kind hearted robots and the evil humans.

That's part of the problem. The story is ridiculous. It wants balance the absurdity of the robot world it creates with the bigger implications of creeping technology to make some deep and grand overarching Terminator-level final denoument about the reliance of man on robots, AI, virtual reality over actual humanity. Bippity Boppity Brown and Sorta Starlord aren't up to the task. She's ok, he's ok and they're ok together but... the movie was too silly to make that kind of dramatic beat land.

The robots were interesting. It was almost Tim Burton level offbeat. Take Burton's black and white motif, take away the "horror" aspect, and cover it with dust and you might have something like these off-beat robots. There's a baseball one, a female mail carrier, Mr. Peanut, a piano player, and some other assorted oddities - but nothing like robots ever were or would be other than in the imaginations of the writers/directors. Even that wasn't bad. They were comedic at least. Think Transformers if the robots were cartoonish, couldn't change into cars/trucks, and were far less serious.

The humans were less interesting. Blue Footed Boobie Brown was probably the least interesting of the bunch. Pratt seemed to just be pulling scenes from Guardians and doing an impersonation of them. Never really became a true character in this universe. 

Even the attempts at Easter eggs or clever references fell flat (and there were many).  Take the Twinkie callback to Harrellson's Zombieland Tallahassee character.  Doubt many caught it (since aparently nobody watched or is watching this). 

It's really hard to pinpoint what went wrong. It's not a terrible movie. I didn't hate it. The story was wonky, Blue Bonnett Boofy Brown was a significant weak point, but even she didn't wreck the film. She wasn't that bad. The simple fact is that whatever intent the Russo's had, they simply did not stick the big budget landing.

The Zombieland Twinkie reference (that, like the movie, didn't quite land) is telling, actually. I think they wanted this to fit that Zombieland mold - a romp through a dystopian, robotic landscape. Somewhere, somehow, that got off track.  Again, I wasn't wowed by the movie but I don't hold it in the same sneering disdain as the critics apparently do.

It's watchable if you aren't demanding that films be "art."  It's imminently more watchable and enjoyable than the dour Nosferatu.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3650 on: March 21, 2025, 07:44:19 AM »
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"I'm sick of following my dreams...I'm just going to ask them where they are going and hook up with 'em later." - Mitch Hedberg

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3651 on: March 21, 2025, 06:17:52 PM »
Detained

Don’t you hate it when a good script and a compelling premise is wasted? That’s what we have here. Take this story and give it a bigger budget, film it with something other than an iPhone 11, give it a more solid acting punch? It could have been a really solid movie.  Too bad that didn’t happen.

Mother (from The Boys) isn’t horrendous. Neither is Abbie Cornish. They just don’t have the chops to elevate this movie.  They aren’t helped by a supporting cast that felt like it was taken straight from somebody’s cousin’s improv class. Forget B-list. These guys were way down the alphabet.  Maybe Q or lower.

The production values were so bad. Everything about it looked so cheap. Lighting, sound, sets… all of it felt like they had a budget of maybe $6.29 and didn’t spend it all.

The story? It was actually pretty good if you could overlook the horrific execution. 

Cornish is the girlfriend of a married gambler (or something) who died. Days or weeks later, she wakes up in a police station with no memory of the previous night.  According to the arresting officers she apparently did some pretty bad stuff in a drunken stupor.

As she takes in her surroundings she starts to - wisely - have suspicions about the people and the situation.

From there, what you think you know twists and turns until the final frame.  The story probably could have used just a little tightening, but overall? It had enough to carry it to the final reveal(s). 

It’s a straight to DVD (using the old terminology) type movie that barely anyone will ever see. I’m not even sure how it ended up in my rotation. It’s the potboiler kind of thing Bruce Willis or Nic Cage churned out once a a month or so for a while. It should have been better than that. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3652 on: March 21, 2025, 07:07:04 PM »
Humble Request: Can you start listing the Apps/Services where the movies you’re reviewing can be found? Do they make TV’s with a search function on the Home Screen that will send you to the Apps where you can watch the movies you’re looking for?
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3653 on: March 21, 2025, 10:56:29 PM »
Humble Request: Can you start listing the Apps/Services where the movies you’re reviewing can be found? Do they make TV’s with a search function on the Home Screen that will send you to the Apps where you can watch the movies you’re looking for?

Of course.  Some recent ones. If there’s one specific just axe.

Detained - Paramount+
The Electric State - Netflix
Longlegs - Hulu
Copshop - Peacock
Fly Me to the Moon - AppleTV
The Silent Hour - Hulu
Nosferatu - Peacock
Heretic - Max
Conclave - Peacock
Venom Last Dance - Netflix
Speak No Evil - Peacock
September 5 - Paramount+
Saturday Night - Netflix
The Gorge - AppleTV
Strangers 1 - Prime

Gladiator II - so bad I won’t review it - Paramount +

Deadpool (bought it on prime when they had one of those $5 specials)

About to buy Sharky’s Machine (prime Burt)
« Last Edit: March 21, 2025, 11:05:14 PM by Kaos »
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3654 on: March 22, 2025, 06:20:20 AM »
Of course.  Some recent ones. If there’s one specific just axe.

Detained - Paramount+
The Electric State - Netflix
Longlegs - Hulu
Copshop - Peacock
Fly Me to the Moon - AppleTV
The Silent Hour - Hulu
Nosferatu - Peacock
Heretic - Max
Conclave - Peacock
Venom Last Dance - Netflix
Speak No Evil - Peacock
September 5 - Paramount+
Saturday Night - Netflix
The Gorge - AppleTV
Strangers 1 - Prime

Gladiator II - so bad I won’t review it - Paramount +

Deadpool (bought it on prime when they had one of those $5 specials)

About to buy Sharky’s Machine (prime Burt)

Thank you!
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #3655 on: March 26, 2025, 10:55:22 AM »
MaxXxine
Streaming on (ironically) Max

The third entry the Maxxxxine trilogy which was released in 2,1,3 order. So it’s the sequel to the first film, X, which preceded its prequel Pearl. 

It’s the conclusion of the story of a farm girl with dreams of Hollywood stardom.  So what if there’s some murder that has to happen along the way. Some (not sure how much) takes place in her head.

Mia Goth plays Max and man she’s hard to look at.

In Pearl she humped a scarecrow and escaped her controlling family. In X she was making her mark in the porn industry and humped a lot of things.

Here, she tries to break into legitimate acting and leave porn behind - and humps nothing. She never even gets nekkid. In her efforts to make the move from porn to real movies (is there that much of a difference these days?) her past baggage becomes an issue (that requires murder). The film is set in the 80s, has the right tone, and probably spent 1/3 of its budget on music rights.  I liked that aspect of it. 

All three films are marketed as horror.  There’s none of that in this one other than the horror of Goth’s face. Its ugly. I didn’t hate her as much as I did in either of the other films though. 

The way MaxXx is shot is more of a throwback that steals a lot of the look and feel from Tarrantino’s grindhouse movies - which are stolen from Hammer horror (which this movie directly references).  The carnage (what there is of it) is laughably, purposely bad. There’s one scene where the director of the horror movie MaxXx is cast in comments “the blood is all wrong.”  That’s an accurate statement as it pertains to this movie.  The violence was 70s level CGI bad - on purpose.

The director is able to loop in some decent talent in all these films.  X featured (then barely known) Jenna Ortega, Karen (Nebula) Gillian, and Brittany Snow. Pearl had David (Superman) Corensweat. This film gives us Kevin (six degrees of) Bacon, Giancarlo (he’s in everything) Esposito, Bobby Canavale, Michelle Monaghan, Elizabeth Debicki, Lilly (baby Phil) Collins (given little to do), and Sophie (Yellowjacket) Thatcher (who I am convinced will be great but is given essentially nothing to do here).  They are all (other than Thatcher) wearing horrendous outfits (and or wigs) and overacting in a way you only usually see in 70s pulp movies. Bacon and Giancarlo in particular are really hamming it up. 

Of the three, I found this one less distasteful mainly, I think, because it was more bland. It was really more like an extra long episode of Mannix than a horror movie. 
 
You don’t have to watch the other two to follow this one.  It could easily stand alone. But you’ll miss some of the subtle callbacks if you didn’t. 

The movie doesn’t have a lot to say. It thinks it does. It just doesn’t.  What it says is kinda dumb. So unless you just are weirdly attracted to Goth? I don’t know what you’d get out of this. Maybe it’s art.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2025, 11:31:49 AM by Kaos »
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