The Equivalent To Texting A Girl 105 Times In One Day With No Response

Townhallsavoy · « **Reply #20 on:** February 21, 2012, 05:19:30 PM »

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Letter #12

Want to experience eternal glory? Come to Alabama, get a tombstone right next to the Bear.

Signed,

Nick Saban

Townhallsavoy · « **Reply #21 on:** February 21, 2012, 05:22:46 PM »

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Letter #13

Sure, you could go anywhere and autograph big titties, but at Alabama, you'll brand your name onto the infants of the Tide Faithful.

Signed,

Nick Saban

The Six · « **Reply #22 on:** February 21, 2012, 08:32:26 PM »

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Letter #14

Have you seen this picture of one of Auburn's players?

Yeah they gave him that wad and the gat and that was it.

Here in Tuscaloosa we call that every Monday morning.

And our guns are better.

Signed,

Nick Saban

The Six · « **Reply #23 on:** February 21, 2012, 08:34:27 PM »

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Letter #15

Seriously, what else are you waiting for? Long-lasting fame? We have those here. Hell, we write books about teams that didn't win rings here.

Sign with us and you'll never buy your meal in a Waffle House again. I guarantee it.

Signed,

Nick Saban

The Prowler · « **Reply #24 on:** February 22, 2012, 05:19:14 AM »

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Letter #16

Don't worry about the two RBs signed last class, aight....or the two that have already committed for the next signing class, aight.

You have the best film that I've seen, aight...~~Even if you don't have a scholarship available, I promise you that I'll hold one for you the next year~~

...I mean, you'll get paid no matter if you sign with us this upcoming class or the next, aight. I'm a man of my word, aight.

Signed,

Nick Saban

The Six · « **Reply #25 on:** February 22, 2012, 09:30:26 AM »

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Letter #17

Dear Alvin Kamara,

is the only thing that matters to me and to the fans we have. Even when we don't win, we act like spoiled brats until we convince people that we deserve another shot or we convince people to forget the alleged losses. That's what winners do, Alvin. They win and slap their balls on people in victory. When they lose, they make Expletive sure the other team can't enjoy it and therefore, by proxy, win again.

No team ever beats Alabama. We are so awesome that on occassion, we beat ourselves but even there, we still are winners because we beat ourselves. Get it?

Fax over that letter and let's get some started.

Signed,

Nick Saban

AUChizad · « **Reply #26 on:** February 22, 2012, 09:36:01 AM »

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Letter #18

Dear Alvin Kamara,

Should you choose to become our first commitment for 2013, we would like to remind you that this is 100% a one-way deal. Should I discover that you so much as eye-fuck another school, I will smite thee with great vengeance. However, after I inevitably sign nearly double the allotted scholarships allowed, your commitment will automatically be transferred from first to 26th. We will have wanted you, but if only you had committed earlier, you may have made the cut. Please remain committed to the Crimson Tide until your eligibility runs out so that we never have to face you on an opposing sideline. Enclosed is an IOU I wrote on a napkin. As you can see, it reads "IOU 1 scholarship, for realz. Redeemable some time, I promise, just hold your damn patience, aaight?"

Signed,

Nick Saban

AUChizad · « **Reply #27 on:** February 22, 2012, 09:39:55 AM »

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Letter #19

Dear Alvin Kamara,

At Alabama, we pride ourselves in being the only school in the NCAA with any goddamn tr'dition. We know this to be true, because should a rival school partake in an actual tradition (one unlike our skewed definition of the word), we will see to it that one of our redneck brethren will poison that motherfucker until it is dead.

Signed,

Nick Saban

AUChizad · « **Reply #28 on:** February 22, 2012, 10:03:45 AM »

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Letter #20

Dear Alvin Kamara,

While those "other guys" believe in "work. Hard work," if you come to Alabama, you will be given accolades and opportunities that you in no way deserve, simply because we are Alabama. Just ask worst Heisman Trophy winner of all time, Mark Ingram. Or the entire 2012 "Do-Over" National Champions.

Signed,

Nick Saban

AUChizad · « **Reply #29 on:** February 22, 2012, 10:52:23 AM »

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Letter #21

Dear Alvin Kamara,

For a continuation of these and other selling points as to why the University of Alabama is the greatest goddamn institution on earth, listen to my Minister of Propaganda on his regular radio program, the Paul Finebaum Radio Network, weekdays from 2-6 on WJOX.

Signed,

Nick Saban

AUChizad · « **Reply #30 on:** February 22, 2012, 10:55:03 AM »

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Letter #22

Dear Alvin Kamara,

How bout now?

Signed,

Nick Saban

AUChizad · « **Reply #31 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:01:38 AM »

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Letter #23

Dear Alvin Kamara,

Just so you know, there is a Chick-Fil-A located in the University Mall, right next to T-Town Menswear. Join Tom Albetar for lunch on him in his back office. Therefore, Clemson < Auburn < Alabama.

Signed,

Nick Saban

JR4AU · « **Reply #32 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:08:15 AM »

Chizad, you're really in to this aren't you?

AUChizad · « **Reply #33 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:09:12 AM »

Quote from: JR4AU on February 22, 2012, 11:08:15 AM

Chizad, you're really in to this aren't you?

82 to go. Feel free to pick up some of the slack.

JR4AU · « **Reply #34 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:26:05 AM »

Quote from: AUChizad on February 22, 2012, 11:09:12 AM

82 to go. Feel free to pick up some of the slack.

If it hadn't ceased being entertaining...yesterday...I would.

The Six · « **Reply #35 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:31:18 AM »

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Letter #24

Dear Alvin Kamara,

Don't get lured in by one of these programs with their fancy-schmancy uniforms. At Alabama, you only need the two colors we provide. And once you wear them, you'll be worshiped forever whether or not you actually ever do anything on the field.

Signed,

Nick Saban

The Six · « **Reply #36 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:33:07 AM »

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Letter #25

Dear Alvin Kamara,

Got 14? We do! Come be a part of 16-18. Only three you ask? That's because you'll be in the NFL after your junior year. Of course it will be because you are the most dominant athlete at your position and will have nothing to do with your lousy grades or the 3 kids and 2 baby-mamas you need to support.

RTR!

Signed,

Nick Saban

The Six · « **Reply #37 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:33:23 AM »

Quote from: AUChizad on February 22, 2012, 11:09:12 AM

82 to go. Feel free to pick up some of the slack.

Doing my part.

AUChizad · « **Reply #38 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:37:56 AM »

Quote from: JR4AU on February 22, 2012, 11:26:05 AM

If it hadn't ceased being entertaining...yesterday...I would.

You're right, it's better to not contribute to the only active thread in the football forum during the offseason, or better yet, to only contribute to it by bitching about it.

You've fucked this thread up enough, now please exit it.

JR4AU · « **Reply #39 on:** February 22, 2012, 11:43:42 AM »

Quote from: AUChizad on February 22, 2012, 11:37:56 AM

You're right, it's better to not contribute to the only active thread in the football forum during the offseason, or better yet, to only contribute to it by bitching about it.

You've fucked this thread up enough, now please exit it.

Oh, I'm not bitching, just making an observation. And I'll post where I please, thanks.