1. Speeding ticket? No. 4 hours in traffic court might be worse than being trapped in a car fire. Suspended/revoked? Different story.
We had a quota, so I had to write them. I had a standing order with my prosecutor: "Don't fucking call me to testify, I don't give a shit what you do with it." And that was actually ok with the brass, because most people just pay them, and they didn't want to give me the comp time.
2. Big black dicks? Also no. Small white lawyer penises are much easier to manage. Plus, you don't have to worry about he balls being in the way.
We don't all have wives that keep our nuts in their purse. I was awarded mine back in the divorce. Actually, come to think of it, I'm divorced because I never gave them up.