Ten Things A Woman Should Never Say to a Man

[Tiger Wench]

For years we've all heard the things men shouldn't say to women, such as "Yeah, those jeans do make you look a little chunky," and "Why didn't you tell me you had a hot friend."

We've been doing our best to behave, but it's time you knew there are a few things that won't score you any points with the man in your life. For the most part, we're an open book, but there are a few things that make us cringe.

Here's a look at 10 things women say that drive men nuts.

1) "That looks cute."
For the most part, men hate cute. We don't want to hear about it, we don't want to see it, and we sure as hell don't want to be it. If we come down stairs after getting dressed and you tell us we look cute, there's a 100 percent chance we're changing. We're supposed to be your protector, your rock, and cute does not fit into that picture.

2) "We need to talk."
These four words shut off a man's brain faster than long division. When men hear you say that they immediately go into flight mode. And anything they can do to get out of this conversation—and better yet, your apartment—they will. There are plenty of other ways to approach a delicate conversation, and getting us in a place where we feel comfortable is a good start.

3) "It's just a game."
Actually, it's not just a game. Sports are a major part of our lives and the outcome has as much to do with our mood as just about anything else. Is it fair? No. Is it right? No. Is it immature? Maybe. But it's life. Sometimes we just care too much. We understand that it doesn't make sense, but you should be happy that we're that passionate about something. Telling us that "it's just a game" is like us telling you that Oprah's just a talk show host.

4) "Nothing's wrong."
Please don't tell us nothing's wrong. The look on your face could make the toughest guy on the planet weep like a third-grade girl and your arms are crossed so tight you might explode. We're not mind readers; tell us what's going on. And don't make us guess because—believe me—you won't like what we come up with.

5) "I sound like my mom."
The mere fact that you might turn into your mom someday scares the hell out of us. Don't say it, even in jest—it's not funny. We actually believe (and pray) that the saying "every woman ends up looking like their mother" is an old wives' tale. If we didn't, no one would ever get married.

6) "I just want to be friends."
No you don't. You just want us to stop calling you. This is a lot like pulling off a band-aid. Do it quick—don't prolong the agony. Most of us take "I just want to be friends" as "There's still a chance," so if there isn't just make it a clean break and move on.  Everyone will be much better because of it.

7) "Size doesn't matter."
Don't lie to us. We know it does, and we're doing our best to make up for it in other ways. It's best just to not say anything at all.


8) "What are you wearing?"
We're wearing whatever's clean or whatever you tell us to. We don't plan out our wardrobe days in advance, but we do actually try and look presentable. It may not work a lot of the time, but we do give it a shot. Giving us direction is completely encouraged though, so go ahead and suggest … nicely.

9) "Do you think she's pretty?"
Of course we do, our standards are much lower than yours. But just because we check her out doesn't mean we think any less of you. We try to be as discreet as possible, but for the most part, we can't help it. It's in our DNA. When an attractive woman walks by, it's best to just pretend nothing happened.

10) "Which outfit do you like better?"
I'm going to be honest here—90 percent of the guys out there are not going to tell you which outfit they like better: They're going to try to pick the one you like better and not get into a holy war when the babysitter is due any minute. To us, you always look good. Getting a couple cocktails and spending as much time as we can without the kids is our ultimate goal for a rare night out.

Craig Playstead is a freelance writer and father of three living in the suburbs of Seattle. In the past he's also been a sports writer, a game writer and a talk show host. You can reach him at playstead@hotmail.com.

[wesfau2]

It's easier to make the inverse of this list:

The only things a woman should ever say to a man:

1) Can I get you another beer?
2) Feeling up to another blowjob yet?
3) Is it ok if my friends join us?
4) Keep watching football, I'll go shopping with the girls.

[AWK]

It's easier to make the inverse of this list:

The only things a woman should ever say to a man:

1) Can I get you another beer?
2) Feeling up to another blowjob yet?
3) Is it ok if my friends join us?
4) Keep watching football, I'll go shopping with the girls.

Also,

5) Don't worry about me, I'll just stay in the Kitchen all day.
6) Just go in my Hair, I enjoy that.

[Saniflush]

Who gave women the permission to speak?

[Tiger Wench]

Right on cue...

 

You guys never disappoint...

[wesfau2]

Right on cue...

 

You guys never disappoint...

We aim to please.

Wait...no we don't.  That's your fucking job.

[GarMan]

And, don't forget...

- Let's shave my beaver!
- Wanna stick it in my ass?
- I love it when you fart. 

[Snaggletiger]

And, don't forget...

- Let's shave my beaver!
- Wanna stick it in my ass?
- I love it when you fart. 

1. Bingo
2. Hammer, meet nail
3. Spot on

[GarMan]

Here we go...

[D-Day]

Who gave women the permission to speak?

Here's a few oldies that never get old:

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Why are women's feet so much smaller than men's?

[AUChizad]

Here's a few oldies that never get old:

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've already told her twice.

Why are women's feet so much smaller than men's?

So they can fit closer to the sink/stove.

Some of my favorites...

Why is a wedding gown traditionally white?
Cause the dishwasher should match the fridge.

What do you call the useless piece of skin around a vagina?
A woman.

[GarMan]

What do you call the useless piece of skin around a vagina?
A woman.

I KNEW there was a proper name for it. 

[Snaggletiger]

Why does a woman have two holes?

So you can carry her around like a 6-pack.

Why did the woman cross the road?

Who cares?  What the hell is she doing out of the kitchen?