i just went and made myself a cup of tea. As I turned away from the counter, I spilled a little on the floor. Being a grown-up, with half a brain in my head, I sat my tea cup down and grabbed a napkin to clean up my mess.
One of the HR morons walked by and said "OOOOH! A positive behavioral observation!! Someone write up a card!!"
I wheeled around on her and said "Acting like a grownup and cleaning up my mess is not a behavioral observation. It's what NORMAL people do... So save it."
That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard of. I am in Risk Management and I am all about my guys being safe when they are out on a heavy lift barge in the middle of the GOM lifting a 200 ton platform deck off the risers and onto a material barge. Welding, downhole services, no texting or talking on cell phones in a company truck or on a job location, wearing PPE, etc. - those are safety measures that are critical to our company's continued success.
But giving me a fucking smiley face and a Paula Abdul clap when I clean up something I myself spilled is condescending and patronizing to the nth degree. And I would sooner stick a pencil in my eye than fill out one of their fucking behavioral observation cards. Risk Management in the corporate office is not quite the same as risk management on a fucking dive boat in choppy seas.
And now next week, I have to go to a mandatory meeting to listen to the Johnny Joiners who make up our Corporate Safety Team give a lecture on Summer Water Safety. Don't let your kids swim unsupervised. Don't go in a boat without a life jacket. Don't drink and boat. This is relevant to the shitpiles of work on my desk HOW? HOW, exactly, is this worth an hour and a half of my time that could be spent contributing to the company bottom line?
And these Johnny Joiners are useless in and of themselves. These people are generally the admin type people here at the office who have no authority or power, so they join every committee and group they can in a desperate effort to validate themselves. They are the "Safety Captains" on each floor of our building, and get a little placque outside of their cube or office. They got the first responder training and the CPR and defib training, which scares the hell out of me because most of them are dumber than a sack of hammers.
Yet the one time we had a medical emergency on our floor - my friend Alicia fainted because she is anemic and did not bother to eat her lunch or drink water and got dehydrated - the alleged Safety Captain was running around in hysterics with a fucking radio she did not know how to use, screaming at other people who were also running around like idiots. Meanwhile another guy and I got Alicia to her feet and into my office, where I put her on my couch and elevated her feet. I pointed at one person and said "You call 9-1-1- and don't forget to dial the 9 to get an outside line." When the ambulance arrived, I gave them a statement and they carted her off to the hospital for an IV. The Safety Captain - a CLERK in our procurement department - had the GALL to make a smart remark to me AFTER THE FACT about how she was supposed to be in charge and I promptly told her she could not manage her way out of a wet paper bag, much less a medical situation, so she needed to back the fuck up and get out of my face.
Fuck the nanny state and the trickle down effect it has on business. It makes my head explode.
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