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[AUChizad]

Swiped from another board:

http://mbd.scout.com/mb.aspx?s=14&f=1016&t=7915201

It is kind of like the peculiar neighbor who never seems to age - you start to wonder if there was a deal made with the devil.

So, I will put forth my best conspiracy theories.

And before you discount them prematurely, remember - this is Auburn. Cheating and dishonesty at the highest levels is part of their personality and creed.

#1 - Are they practicing beyond NCAA guidelines? Specifically, the 20 hour rule, and the number of practices before the season commences?

Barret Trotter is throwing the ball at a 70% comletion rate. Auburn is averaging 41 points a game. They look almost like they did last year - except they have a new starter at QB with nowhere near the mobility or arm of Cam Knewton. They are playing pretty much a brand new offensive line, and lost something like 16 starters off last year's team.

Yet what I have read and seen of them, there does not seem to be the usual numbers of broken plays, fumbled snaps, false starts, holding, QB misreads and bad throws, players lining up incorrectly, etc etc etc.

The players are different, but the results are still points and yards. With everyone having to line up, interpret a cue card and run a play, you would think inexperience would be an issue. But Dyer is still averaging over 100 yards per game, Trotter still completing a high percentage, Auburn scoring lots of points............................

I know Auburn somehow started practice a few days before Alabama. IF they decided to work in more than the allocated number of practices, if they decided to break the 20 hour rule - who would know?? Would our local state media, or any Auburn beat writer, break that kind of story??

Flawless execution requires work and in most cases experience - whoever knew the Malzahn system was so simple that you can just plug and play, and expect such stellar results?

#2 - Is Auburn stealing signals?

Refer to the offensive successes mentioned above. Then consider the issue Mullen had with the headsets this past weekend.

There is a rumor circulating that perhaps Mullen had reason to think Auburn was somehow getting wind of the MSU discussions betweenn the booth and the field. In fact, I have seen mentioned that perhaps Mullen ran a dummy play of sorts, called to see how AU would align itself defensively.

And as the story goed, when AU came out with the right call and alignment to stop the play called, Mullen made his issue over the headsets.

A rumor, maybe nothing more than a good story - but remember, again, this is Auburn we are talking about.

#3 - Injuries, or, I should say, a lack of. Could the aubs be getting some help?

AU was remarkably injury free last year, with a QB that played a ton of plays, and ran the ball a lot. The offensive line and defensive line stayed pretty much intact, and so far this year, the injury luck has continued.

You do not hear the auburn players or coaches talk a whole lot about the rigorous strength and conditioning program. The AU players seem to be strong and conditioned without looking as heavy or bulky as some teams.

I hearken back to the fact that Auburn had a strength coach under Tuberville that was associated with the steroid scandal, maybe even Balco. That guy is no longer there, but could the aubs have adopted some of his ideas or practices?

Could there be some performance enhancement going on, maybe not to bulk up like a Barry Bonds, but to get help with conditioning, injury prevention, and recovery time? Could such help also be a reason for the erratic and dirty behavior of a Nick Fairley, and also the thuggish and cheap behaviors of aub players this past weekend?

Nick Fairley just exploded on the scene last year. The NFL has stringent steroid testing, it will be interesting to see the kind of career Fairley has.

#4 - Chop Blocking and Low Blows

Are they still teaching it?? The MSU left tackle might have an opinion, after he was carted off Saturday..................

#5 - The State Media's Coverage of AU

When is the last time the local media broke any sort of major negative story about Auburn?

The current MO is for the national guys to break anything negative about Auburn, and the state guys to circle the wagons and defend AU like there is no tomorrow. Much of the state media excoriated Alabama during the Means and Langham cases, yet either defended or ignored the Sociology issue, the Chette Willimas questions, the Cam Knewton saga.

The state media and all those who cover Auburn is basically a propaganda wing and line of defense in times of trouble.

So how did they accomplish this?? Have they somehow managed to purchase media influence?? If so, through what means??

Just speculating - but could an Aub booster or official be offering incentives of some kind?? We have seen former Tuberville players claim to have been offered and paid bounties for certain plays made on the field - could the aubs also be offering bounties for "plays" made in the media?

Would it be against any law or rule to offer tangible means of "Thanks" to media members either now, or somewhere down the road? I know media members would not want to compromise credibility, but it does seem they have compromised their objectivity and sacrificed their investigative integrity.

#6 - Officiating.

I do not ever like to use this as an excuse, but again, this is Auburn we are talking about....................

Simply put, it seems like weird things happen at Auburn, and they usually always shake out to the benefit of the home team. To be fair, some things do not really involve officiating, but are just bermuda triangle type plays, like the Dubosian pass call to Ed Scissum, or the "Punt Bama Punt" game.

But, there are so, so many instances of close or controversial play calls going Auburn's way at home, and much fewer cases where the visitor got the nod.

I remember the strange low scoring game againt LSU a few years back where it looked like some of the replay calls should have gone LSU's way,but did not - and then the extra point fiasco near the end of the game.

I remember Alabama running all over AU in the first half of 1993, and then gatting hammered with flag after flag in the second half, negating big runs and helping AU draw back even. I remember Curtis Brown in 1995. I remember Willie Gaston picking a ball off on the AU sideline in 93 and running back to his sideline pumping his fist, and getting flagged for it.

I remember the mass chaos after AU scored on the long run in that same game, with no celebration penalty forthcoming.

I saw a play at the end of the game Saturday that could have tied the game for State, but was not reviewed. I saw a measurement go AU's way that many, many people are questioning today.

If you are going to win at Auburn, you better hope it is not a close game, and that an official's interpretation of a score or ball placement, or anything is going to be a factor late in the game.

#7 - The Cultish Behaviour of Their Fanbase

To classify the AU fanbase mindset as unique or eccentric is kind - cultish and bizarre is closer to the mark. The aubs remind me of those hippie weirdos climbing and living in the trees at Stanford, to try to stop stadium expansion.

Execept I see the majority of aubs that way.

They march in lockstep to defend anything at auburn. Very few every question anything or any practice on the plains. The Student Newspaper could not even question of the selfishness and evil of Bobby Lowder without retribution from Lowder.

Aubs will shout to the world that Alabama cheats, and has always cheated, has never really won but FOR cheating - yet these aubs will never acknowledge or discuss the long and systematically corrupt way their own program has operated. They will not admit that many of the higher officials and middle managers have been in Auburn through much of the cheating, in fact, some even participated and orchestrated it.

And the worship of those trees, the vigils.......................

Aubs have been killing those trees for years, and their own agricultural people have admitted it. They have been willing to castigate and convict Harvey Updyke, and try to hold him up to the nation as an example of the Alabama fanbase. They have prayed and flowered and candlelighted and sang to keep their blessed trees alive, and more importantly alive in the media.

And then they went out and rolled them after beating Utah State..........................

#8 - Recruiting

Auburn should recruit well. But the rapid turnaround of AU recruiting after hiring a 5-19 coach, and the re-insertion of Paymaster Pat Dye into the program lends itself to questions. There are several folks involved with AU who have been sanctioned before, and some others that have the "Rep" of being aggresive at best, unethical and dirty at worst.

But as noted, that is the way AU historically operates. This is the same problem that promised Bo Jackson immediate playing time, when their star RB recruit that year was Alan Evans.The same program that told Charles Barkley Auburn was closer than Tuscaloosa, in fact was "Just over the mountain"....................................

I used to be ambivalent towards Auburn. That ambivalence has turned to deep distrust, dislike, and even enmity.

The more gentlemanly fan of the Shug Jordan era has been replaced by the mercenaries and loonies cultivated by the Pat Dye era.

Sadly, this new breed of Auburn fan seems to suit them best.

[AUTiger1]

I saw this yesterday and thought it was a joke.   Well, it is a joke, just not a haha joke, but a...........Ah forget it you know what I mean.

A couple of things he forgot was the hostess being prostitutes, Trooper being a member of a gang, sleeping with a hostess, or using racial slurs.  He also forgot how we used casino money and funneled it to players through ATM cards.   If he is going to spout this bullshit, he needs to get it all in there.

[AUChizad]

My favorite is #1. Auburn is good offensively, so obviously, we're cheating by practicing too much. 

[Kaos]

So much wrong with that I don't even know where to start. 

"Culture of corruption?"  How about a program that hasn't had major sanctions in 21+ years vs. one that remains on probation for a record 17th?  Fucking idiot. 

"Practicing illegally?"  Has he checked offensive production under Malzahn at Tulsa?  I guess they were holding secret underground practices, too.

"Steroids?"  Yeah, Auburn players take something. It's called Yox.  You can't have any. 

"Media bias?"  ARE YOU SHITTING ME?  The state media is a whore for Alabama and has been from way back. 


Let me break this down for that fucking fool. 

"The more gentlemanly fan of the Shug Jordan era has been replaced by the mercenaries and loonies cultivated by the Pat Dye era."

Translation:  We used to whip Auburn regularly in the 70s, but that shit doesn't play any more.  Ever since Dye got there, they have been beating our ass with consistency.  They did it with Bowden.  They did it with Tuberville. They're doing it with Chizik.  We've cheated to keep up and failed.  We got Dye fired and that failed.  We've sold our soul to Saban and still can't return to the time when we could look on Auburn as second class.  My ass hurts.  I can't accept the fact that Auburn is simply the better program -- and has been for most of my natural beer-swilling life -- so I have to create crazy theories that allow me to sleep better at night and still pretend that Bammer is the Bammer of old.  Long may she wave. 

[Tiger Wench]

The irony is, that in damn near every instance, you can replace a few words and make this same article about bammer.

Trade trees and cults for a statue of bahr  and the stains of Dickle poured around it, and an increase in DV reports after a bammer game.

Trade Bobby Lowder for Bahr Junior and his "saving and loan/real estate business" and the Ponzi scheme associated therewith.

Trade Uncle Milty for T-Town Tom.

Hypocritical bastards. 

[djsimp]

It never ceases to amaze how fucking stupid these butt pirates are.

Can you say, grasping for straws?

[AUsweetheart]

Man, you want to talk about desperation....

we are practicing too much, have some new drugs that make our players resilient to injury, have the media in our pocket (in OUR pocket? REALLY? wtf) steal signals but still manage to let MSU rack up 21 unanswered points....

I mean wow.

[CCTAU]

As the man be say,

"Cocaine is a helluva drug".


I laughed my ass off the whole time reading this.

[Snaggletiger]

That is some comedy gold right there.  Brilliant writing.  Kudos to the author. 

[Buzz Killington]

I am just going to assume that this was a huge joke.

Surely the updykes can't be this stupid, can they?

[djsimp]

I am just going to assume that this was a huge joke.

Surely the updykes can't be this stupid, can they?

They like mustard on their biscuits. Mmm.

I reckon they're gonna have to get used to looking at pretty people. Mmm.

[dallaswareagle]

I am just going to assume that this was a huge joke.

Surely the updykes can't be this stupid, can they?  (Yes)

   

[JR4AU]

ROFLCOPTER!  EPIC FAIL, EVERY LAST BIT OF IT, EPIC FAIL.

[wesfau2]

Co-signing all the previous posts in this thread. 

Professionals in the mental health field call this "projecting".

Running scared, fo shol.

[No Huddle]

What a dummy.

[No Huddle]

That guy's post pisses me off as a person with a brain. I mean dumbasstake

[GH2001]

Sounds like they have their tin foil hats on in numbers.