« on: May 08, 2008, 02:12:27 PM »
This was way too political to post anywhere else on the board...but yall might get a few laughs out of it anyway as an updated old classic.
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? (Updated)
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me, although I clearly remember having to dodge enemy fire as Chelsea and I tried to cross the road.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. I served in Vietnam.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: Because the chicken is a liberal! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is liberal. And if you eat that chicken, you will become a liberal too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road at all. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that intewesting? In a few moments, we will be wistening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a sewious case of molting, and went on to accompwish its wife wong dweam of cwossing the woad.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Windows Vista is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: It depends on what the definition of cross is. I did not cross the road with THAT chicken!
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black and dominecker chickens.
REVEREND JEREMIAH WRIGHT: DAMN that chicken! Does that make me unpatriotic?
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The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.
-Ayn Rand
The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money.
-The Right Honourable Margaret Thatcher
The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem.
-Milton Friedman
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'
-Ronald Reagan
When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.
-Thomas Jefferson
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