Okay, What Gives You The Heebie Jeebies???

[Pell City Tiger]

Years ago I am eating dinner with my family, minding my own business when the boy next door rings the bell.   He is about 9 and there is no dad in the picture so I guess I was the one he thought of.   He tells me his tarantula got loose and wanted me to help catch him.   Even though I hate spiders I was going to try to help him.   

He had chased the tarantula in MY garage (which had just been cleaned and was pretty much empty to make way for a camper).   I opened the garage door and spotted this VERY agitated and large spider.  It was bigger than my hand, standing on its back legs and snapping his fangs.   I tried to approach a few times and he jumped toward me and I quickly retreated.   

No way was I getting near enough to capture this thing; No way was I leaving it in my garage.   I send the youngster home telling him I will bring him the spider after it calms down, and call for the Dallas, Texas phonebook.   I got about 5 feet from the spider and launched the phone book at him.   Direct hit,   just to make sure I walk over and stomp the hell out of the phone book.

I clean up the mess and report to the trustful youth the tarantula ran out of the door, but maybe he will come back home when he gets hungry.   

A few weeks later I buy him a gardener snake.

Fuck spiders. I hate every one of them. I was helping an uncle with a plumbing a while back, which required me scooting my big ass under the house. Nothing but spider webs in that crawl space ... freaked me out! If I think about it too much, I still get the sensation that I have spiders crawling on me.

[Vandy Vol]

Years ago I am eating dinner with my family, minding my own business when the boy next door rings the bell.   He is about 9 and there is no dad in the picture so I guess I was the one he thought of.   He tells me his tarantula got loose and wanted me to help catch him.   Even though I hate spiders I was going to try to help him.   

He had chased the tarantula in MY garage (which had just been cleaned and was pretty much empty to make way for a camper).   I opened the garage door and spotted this VERY agitated and large spider.  It was bigger than my hand, standing on its back legs and snapping his fangs.   I tried to approach a few times and he jumped toward me and I quickly retreated.   

No way was I getting near enough to capture this thing; No way was I leaving it in my garage.   I send the youngster home telling him I will bring him the spider after it calms down, and call for the Dallas, Texas phonebook.   I got about 5 feet from the spider and launched the phone book at him.   Direct hit,   just to make sure I walk over and stomp the hell out of the phone book.

I clean up the mess and report to the trustful youth the tarantula ran out of the door, but maybe he will come back home when he gets hungry.   

A few weeks later I buy him a gardener snake.

locked him in the basement.

The above is what should have happened.

[AWK]

The above is what should have happened.

Greatest




story






ever.

[bird35]

The above is what should have happened.

I couldn’t,   the basement was where I was keeping his older sister. 

[Vandy Vol]

I couldn’t,   the basement was where I was keeping his older sister.

Your basement isn't equipped for multi-child storage?  Poor pedo planning.

[Godfather]

Fuck spiders. I hate every one of them. I was helping an uncle with a plumbing a while back, which required me scooting my big ass under the house. Nothing but spider webs in that crawl space ... freaked me out! If I think about it too much, I still get the sensation that I have spiders crawling on me.

Yo quicksand is a scary mother too, when it gets in your mouth.

[Saniflush]

Yo quicksand is a scary mother too, when it gets in your mouth.

....and bees.

[GarMan]

Your basement isn't equipped for multi-child storage?  Poor pedo planning. 

All you really need is a few extra meat hooks...  Sheesh... 

[Godfather]

[AUTiger1]

SOOOO....my dad calls me up the other day.  He and brother have recently purchased another farm that joins up to the parents place.  First day out around the barns checking things out, a nice 54 inch King Spitting RattleHeadedCopperMoccasinViper with 13 rattles and a button.  I was thinking "I could have went all day without hearing this.".  A few minutes later my phone buzzes.  Yup, he sent a pic of it.  I cried when I mowed the yard that evening.

Of course his head is gone but still, why send something like that.

[Snaggletiger]

Now that would be one big ass snake. 

[wesfau2]

Now that would be one big ass snake.

'Scuse me while I whip this out.

[Snaggletiger]

'Scuse me while I whip this out.

No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben

[Kaos]

Coyotes apparently. 

Was outside in an area bounded by woods and had a pack of four or five circle me.  Circle kept constricting and I could hear them behind and beside me.   Yelling at them did little. 

They were fast and as they streaked by they had their heads turned to look at me. 

Thankfully I was close enough to the car to get to it.  Horn and lights and I didn't see them again. 

Don't think coyotes are a danger to people but it was still unnerving having the damn things close in like that.

[Pell City Tiger]

Now that would be one big ass snake.

What we have here, little yellow sister, is a magnificent specimen of pure Alabama Blacksnake. But it ain't too goddamned beaucoup.

[ssgaufan]

I was running the cross country trail behind my office yesterday and about ran over a 3 to 4 foot cotton mouth.  I about shit myself because I didn't think I was gonna get stopped in time to turn around and run like a scared little bitch.

[AUTiger1]

I was running the cross country trail behind my office yesterday and about ran over a 3 to 4 foot cotton mouth.  I about shit myself because I didn't think I was gonna get stopped in time to turn around and run like a scared little bitch.

[Snaggletiger]

My wasp jeebie came to fruition this past weekend.  Was out back trimming bushes with some hedge trimmers.  The weekend before, my electric trimmers went kaput so I was doing it the old fashioned way.  (Thank God)  So I'm walking all around this thorny ass rose bush, it's about 106 degrees in the shade, hot and sweaty and pissed off that this 20 minute job with electric trimmers is now an hour in with the manual pair.  I'm bent down to get a low limb and this F-18 dive bombs me from about 9,000 feet.  Big reddish/black one with a 3" stinger that glistened in the sun.  He hits my back over my left shoulder.  Instinctively...I go full tard and somehow flail wildly with my right hand (That's now holding the trimmers) to slap this monster from my back.

I have no earthly idea how it happened but I apparently took the handle end of the trimmer and knocked the holy bejeezus out of my right cheek bone.  Thought I was going to pass out but managed to stay awake so I could speak loudly in tongues.  I knew my yardwork was over.  You know how you injure yourself and more than anything, you dread looking in the mirror to see what the damage really is?  I was bleeding slightly but it appeared someone had surgically implanted an egg under my skin on my right cheek.  Iced it down but but all week I've been sporting this really keen black eye. 

I fricking HATE wasps!!!! 

[Vandy Vol]

My wasp jeebie came to fruition this past weekend.  Was out back trimming bushes with some hedge trimmers.  The weekend before, my electric trimmers went kaput so I was doing it the old fashioned way.  (Thank God)  So I'm walking all around this thorny ass rose bush, it's about 106 degrees in the shade, hot and sweaty and pissed off that this 20 minute job with electric trimmers is now an hour in with the manual pair.  I'm bent down to get a low limb and this F-18 dive bombs me from about 9,000 feet.  Big reddish/black one with a 3" stinger that glistened in the sun.  He hits my back over my left shoulder.  Instinctively...I go full tard and somehow flail wildly with my right hand (That's now holding the trimmers) to slap this monster from my back.

I have no earthly idea how it happened but I apparently took the handle end of the trimmer and knocked the holy bejeezus out of my right cheek bone.  Thought I was going to pass out but managed to stay awake so I could speak loudly in tongues.  I knew my yardwork was over.  You know how you injure yourself and more than anything, you dread looking in the mirror to see what the damage really is?  I was bleeding slightly but it appeared someone had surgically implanted an egg under my skin on my right cheek.  Iced it down but but all week I've been sporting this really keen black eye. 

I fricking HATE wasps!!!!

I always wondered how old people ended up with random bruises and injuries.

Now I know.

[Snaggletiger]

I always wondered how old people ended up with random bruises and injuries.

Now I know.

Full tard