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EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup

Tiger Wench

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EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« on: March 11, 2011, 04:38:15 PM »
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AUBURN JUST ENDED THE 2011 FULMER CUP. Four Auburn football players have been charged with five counts each of first degree robbery, one count each of first degree burglary, and one count each of theft of property in a home invasion that took place early Friday morning in Auburn. The bond for each of them is $511,000. Antonio Goodwin, Kowalski Q. Kitchens, Michael McNeil, and Harrison Mosley are all in legal straits that are, per Glennon Threatt on Finebaum just a few minutes ago, the worst in the legal system shy of actually killing someone.

The minimum sentences in theory for these is somewhere between twenty years and life. Put in the bluntest and most accurate terms possible, the four men involved are in horrendous fucking trouble if this all stands. They've been kicked off the team, but that's the least of their concerns right now.

The numbers for the single biggest combined team score in the history of the Fulmer Cup follow. (Rules here.)

Each robbery count is a felony, and is three points per charge. Reading the police report, each player received five counts of first degree robbery, bringing three points times five charges each for four players to sixty points. Add in the felony burglary charges (one each) for four people at three points, and we're up to 72 points. Four misdemeanor theft of property charges pile on to 76 points total, and that's before we add a single, measly bonus point on top just for the dark humor of throwing only a single bonus point onto a massive heap of Fulmer Cup points. Just look at that widdle bonus point. Eees soooo kewte.

Auburn previously had three points, so the sum total for Auburn in the 2011 Fulmer Cup comes out as 80 points. This marks the second time this week UVA has blown a seemingly insurmountable lead (18 points), and sets a record for the Fulmer Cup in terms of team scoring for a single year, much less a single incident. This is the Krakatoa of Fulmer Cup scores; we hope to never see its equal, because we think that involves an entire football team being charged with murder.*

**Something that Auburn could have been charged with following the 2010 SEC Championship Game.***

***No they couldn't have. There wasn't enough left of South Carolina to identify.

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2011, 04:40:56 PM »
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This is the Krakatoa of Fulmer Cup scores

I'm a little bit proud.
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You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him: "That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.

Snaggletiger

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2011, 04:41:33 PM »
I think I just teared up a little.  What a proud day on the Planes.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

War Eagle!!!

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2011, 04:42:21 PM »
Fuck it...if we are going to win it...win it like a mother fucker...
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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2011, 04:43:26 PM »
You know if you are going to screw up your life, you might as well go all the way.  I'm just disappointed they couldn't have found a way to work in some naked gymnastics team members and coke.
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You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him: "That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you. You have died of dissin' Terry.

AWK

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2011, 04:57:29 PM »
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AUChizad

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2011, 08:09:54 PM »
All I do is win win win no matter what!
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Kaos

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2011, 08:27:53 PM »
CHAMPIONSHIP! 
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Homer Samford

Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #8 on: March 11, 2011, 08:33:15 PM »
I'm getting a full back tattoo and some t-shirts with this printed on it! That way I will know it will be legit!
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The Prowler

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #9 on: March 11, 2011, 09:06:08 PM »
Championship!!!!
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

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Homer Samford

Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #10 on: March 11, 2011, 09:20:14 PM »
So the Eat A Bag Of Dicks website wants to throw monkey poop at Auburn.

So what?

 :pee: some of that
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RWS

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #11 on: March 12, 2011, 09:36:30 AM »
Go big or go home...
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JR4AU

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Re: EDSBS declares Auburn winner of Fulmer Cup
« Reply #12 on: March 12, 2011, 10:32:54 AM »
CHAMPIONSHIP!

Go huge, or don't go at all.
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