The Real Meaning

[Snaggletiger]

Probably posted before but I ain't searchin' for it.  These are sooooo true.


DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish..............................49

Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends

Athletic............................No boobs

Average looking.................Ugly

Beautiful...........................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure..............On medication

Feminist............................Fat

Free spirit..........................Junkie

Friendship first...................Former slut

Fun..................................Annoying

Gentle..............................Dull

New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded.....................Desperate

Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate........................Sloppy drunk

Poet.................................Depressive

Professional.......................Bitch

Romantic...........................Frigid

Voluptuous........................Very Fat

Large frame.......................Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate................Stalker

Widow..............................Murderer

 

MEN'S ENGLISH

 

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

 

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

 

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

 

 

And finally.....

 

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.