"Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend Patty. Patty O'Furniture."

[Pell City Tiger]

Man Caught Having Sex with a Picnic Table

BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

Police say Price lives near an elementary school.

Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.

He confirmed to police the incidents caught on the DVDs and said he had also had sex with the table inside the home.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He is free on a $20,000 bond.

[DnATL]

The Price is WRONG, bitch!!

[Jumbo]

He payed for it, fuck it.

[GarMan]

It's his furniture!  He owns it. 

[Godfather]

I really don't see the harm...if a man wants to have sex with his patio furniture. Maybe his wife is a bitch.

[DnATL]

I really don't see the harm...if a man wants to have sex with his patio furniture. Maybe his wife is a bitch.

Maybe it was not consensual?  Maybe the patio furniture was imported, and was therefore his indentured sex slave, afraid of being sent back to the factory in China.  Maybe he promised the table that if he could get his jollies, he would reunite its family by buying the rest of the set?
And don't say that the furniture was just getting what it deserved and asking for it by being all curvy and vinyl-clad.  No means no!


Was Rick James there?  Fuck yo dinette!!

[Jumbo]

Maybe it was not consensual?  Maybe the patio furniture was imported, and was therefore his indentured sex slave, afraid of being sent back to the factory in China.  Maybe he promised the table that if he could get his jollies, he would reunite its family by buying the rest of the set?
And don't say that the furniture was just getting what it deserved and asking for it by being all curvy and vinyl-clad.  No means no!


Was Rick James there?  Fuck yo dinette!!

Do the think the furniture will take him to the COURTyard over this?

[Ogre]

Do the think the furniture will take him to the COURTyard over this?