Joke Thread

[Snaggletiger]

Let's get a few started

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"

"Fookin jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
 

[Snaggletiger]

My second submission

A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville , Florida , and

sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested he

goes to learn more - "Can you give me some more details about this?"

he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Center man sorts through his files & replies - "Oh yes here it

is: The job entails you getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.

You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and

carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and

gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready

for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $45,000,

but you're going to have to go to Oxford , Mississippi . That's about 620

miles from here."

"Oh, is that where the job is?"

"No sir - that's where the end of the line is!"

[Snaggletiger]

Okay, one more

Mary lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten Out of her mourning stage.
Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Jane says she'll go out, but doesn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies," Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it's an immediate hit. They really like one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the mountains.
Their first night there, she undresses as does he.
There she stands nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, while he is in his birthday suit.
Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.
The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on and he is in his birthday suit...  except that he has a black condom over his erection.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with the black condom?"
He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."